Quotes

To write these I use subtitles found here to help me ;)

  • Episode 3.09 Betrayal - none -

Episode 3.01 Lange, H.:

  • (On the beach Kensi is posing so Deeks can take photos for surveillance
  • Deeks: Big smile. This one's going to be for the album.
  • Kensi: What album is this?
  • Deeks: Honeymoon, yeah?
  • Kensi: Honeymoon? We are on honeymoon in Romania?
  • Deeks: Romantic Romania. Look at this place-- it's perfect.
  • Kensi: Yeah? Well, I don't see a ring on this finger, lover-boy.
  • Deeks: Well, that's because you, darling, left it at the hotel when we went swimming.
  • Kensi: Swimming? And our swimsuits are...?
  • Deeks: Optional. Our swimsuits are optional. Actually, you know what? There's a swimsuit-optional beach right up there, and, yep, the batteries are fully charged. We could do this.
  • Kensi: Yeah, well, I'm really sorry, not today, little brother.
  • Deeks: Little brother-- are you kidding me? Why's it always got to be the brother-sister thing with you?
  • Kensi: Well, we're on a family vacation, so keep snapping.
  • Deeks: All right.
  • Kensi: Two guys leaving the house.
  • (Deeks is at the beach keeping surveillance while eating a gelato, Kensi's on the phone)
  • Kensi: So, basically, those were Callan's instructions.
  • Deeks: So that's the plan-- just kill them all?
  • Kensi: Yep.
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm. Has anyone figured out exactly how we're going to do that?
  • Kensi: Heh. No, not yet.
  • Deeks: Right, okay. Well, listen... I'm on my third gelato here, and I'm beginning to wonder if my new wife has up and dumped me, but...
  • Kensi: I think you mean sister.
  • Deeks: Okay, fine. My sister.
  • Kensi: Thank you.
  • Deeks: And I was... Hold on.
  • Kensi: What's happening? Deeks? Hello?
  • Deeks: Okay, I'm starting to feel exposed here. I think I'm going to move. I will, uh, I'll call you back. (Closes phones)
  • (Deeks is spotted and runs to the others)
  • Deeks: I got three prisoners.
  • Sam: Where?
  • Deeks: Right behind me. (They fight, shots, punces) Okay, make that one prisoner and two dead guys. Over!
  • Kensi: You got made?
  • Deeks: I didn't get made.
  • Sam: You definitely got made.
  • Deeks: Not because of anything that I did.
  • Kensi: One gelato too many.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.02 Cyber Threat:

  • Deeks: Patient's belongings and his chart, courtesy of Nurse Wendy. Oh, Wendy! Yeah?
  • Kensi: Okay.
  • Deeks: Wendy.
  • Kensi: You and your nurses, you know that?
  • Deeks: It's an honorable profession for which I have a great deal of admiration and respect.
  • Kensi: Maybe while we're here, I should get you neutered.
  • Deeks: According to the chart, Calder's driver had cocaine in his system.
  • Kensi: Oh, well, hello. Looks like that's not all he had.
  • (At the boatshed)
  • Deeks: So, what do you think?
  • Kensi: I think she's stupid for dating a married man.
  • Deeks: Right, but is she telling the truth?
  • (Sam and Callen are thinking of sending agents undercover to protect the missing man's wife and son)
  • Kensi: I'll go in as a tutor. Deeks can go in as a dog walker or something like that.
  • Deeks: Okay, why couldn't I go in as a tutor, and you go in as a dog walker?
  • Sam: It's called a mirror.
  • Deeks: How dare you, sir. Has anyone else here law school. Hmm? No? Anyone here pass the bar exam in the state of California? Anyone? Anyone?
  • Kensi: This coming from a guy who learned how to ties his shoes at... 12?
  • Callen: Really?
  • Deeks: I'm from L.A. I grew up in sandals.
  • Sam: You never wore running shoes?
  • Deeks: Hello, it's called Velcro.
  • Callen: Nice.
  • Deeks: What? It's good enough for the astronauts.
  • Sam: Calder was cheating on his wife. Perhaps he wasn't the only unfaithful one. Maybe his wife, Heather, was cheating on him, too, with the tennis instructor.
  • Deeks: What tennis instructor?
  • Kensi: You're going to look so cute in those little white shorts.
  • Deeks: Oh.
  • (Kensi is posing as a tutor and she's tutoring Sean, Deeks is a tennis instructor)
  • Sean: You got a boyfriend?
  • Kensi: Homework.
  • Sean: It's okay; I don't have a girlfriend either.
  • Deeks: (via com) Ouch. This kid may be flunking school, but tell you what, he's got his teacher pegged pretty good.
  • Kensi: His favorite movie is Coyote Ugly.
  • Deeks: I still cry every time Jersey gets that recording contract.

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Episode 3.03 Backstopped:

  • Kensi: Okay, is there a reason you keep defending her?
  • Deeks: No. No reason.
  • Kensi: No?
  • Deeks: I'm just, you know, I mean, she did upgrade all the hardware around here.
  • Kensi: Uh-huh.
  • Deeks: Yeah. She got us those brand-new HK-416 assault rifles. Gave me a parking space.
  • Kensi: Ha! There it is.
  • Deeks: What?!
  • Callen: Turning traitor for parking.
  • Deeks: No.
  • Sam: Traitor.
  • Deeks: Says the guy that has a five-second walk from his aggro muscle car to the front door.
  • Kensi: Oh, quit while you're ahead, Deeks.
  • Deeks: I'm ahead?
  • Deeks: Parking space is just a piece of asphalt. It's not worth Sam.
  • Kensi: You think I don't know that?
  • Deeks: So we have to do something.
  • Kensi: Orders are orders. Do what we're told. Make it a lot easier.
  • Deeks: All right. You ready for the Marty Deeks crash course?
  • Sam: Can you teach it from the hospital?
  • Deeks: Okay.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.04 Deadline:

  • Deeks: I mean, look at him, he's perfect for our cover. The young, hip couple wanting a taste of exotic Middle Eastern cuisine and our rescue dog. It's actually a requirement for all young hip couples in Los Angeles to have rescue dogs.
  • Kensi: There's only one hitch in your little plan there, buddy. Dogs aren't allowed in restaurants.
  • Deeks: We've considered that, haven't we, Monty?
  • Kensi: Have you?
  • Deeks: He's also a service animal. They use them for blind people, people with seizures, all sorts of things. There's even a woman in Minnesota with an anxiety monkey.
  • Kensi: Really?
  • Deeks: Yeah, I read about it in Bark magazine. Do you get that? Bark magazine? No? Their motto is "Dog is my Co-Pilot". No? Not gonna fly? All right, Monty, you heard the woman. You're staying here. (Monty licks Kensi's mouth) Don't give her kisses. Aw, really? You're staying here and I'm going to put the radio on for you. A little NPR, yeah? Loves All Things Considered.
  • Kensi: Have you ever considered that maybe Monty just likes the sound of voices on the radio, and it doesn't really matter what it is we're listening to?
  • Deeks: Wait for it. (Deeks tunes another radio station; Monty whimpers and barks) Okay, changing it back, buddy. Changing it back. The therapist explained it to me. In Monty's archetypal canine subconscious...
  • Kensi: Okay, stop.
  • Deeks: It's actually Pavlovian...
  • Kensi: No, you have to stop. This is getting far too weird. No...
  • Deeks: Here comes Hijazi.
  • Kensi: Let's go.
  • Deeks: Monty, protect the car. Good boy.
  • Deeks: You think he's playing us?
  • Kensi: If he is, he's a good actor.
  • Deeks: So, uh... who, exactly, do you write about in that diary of yours?
  • Kensi: I don't have a diary.
  • Deeks: No.
  • Kensi: It's a journal.
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, just to clarify, what is the difference between a journal and a diary?
  • Kensi: Diaries are for seven-year-old girls.
  • Deeks: So, um, you would say that a journal, then, has more adult content? (They look at each other and smirk) Good to know. Good to know.
  • Callen: Kensi, Deeks.
  • Deeks: And... (Pause for effect) Monty, come on! Come on! Yeah, you want to drive? Probably better than Kensi.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.05 Sacrifice:

  • Deeks: Vikings on the 35.
  • Kensi: Packers up by two. Let's see what you got. Do it.
  • Sam: Where is it?
  • Deeks: Oh!
  • Kensi: Blocked!
  • Deeks: Oh! That was for the win.
  • Sam: Where is it?
  • Deeks: Well, judging by how hard you swatted it, I'd say Bangladesh.
  • Sam: Where's Charlene? My car?
  • Deeks: Your Challenger?
  • Sam: So you do have it.
  • Deeks: Okay, dude, you're starting to freak me out a little bit here.
  • Sam: If I find out you're behind this...
  • Deeks: What am I be-- what?
  • Callen: Charlene is a 1970 Challenger Sam's been restoring for the last ten years. It was stolen last night.
  • Kensi: Oh. That's horrible.
  • Callen: Yeah. Big guy's heartbroken. He was up all night questioning everyone within a two-mile radius of the storage unit. Working on that car was Sam's therapeutic refuge. Honestly, I don't think he ever wanted to finish it.
  • Kensi: Car like that is either in a chop shop or being driven really hard south of the border. That's not good.
  • Deeks: Okay, it's just a car. He's got insurance, right?
  • Kensi: Mm-mm. Mm-mm. V-8 Magnum, four barrel carb with dual exhaust is not just a car.
  • Deeks: Takes up hours of your time, you spend more cash than the car is actually worth, and... for what exactly?
  • Kensi: What kind of man are you? I'm gonna go see if Sam's okay. (Sam yells in distance) Maybe later.
  • Deeks: Hi. Can I get, uh, "Paparazzi Planet, Celebs After Midnight"... that should be interesting... and, uh, your surveillance tapes.
  • Woman: Sure. Give me a minute.
  • Deeks: Great.
  • Woman: Here you go.
  • Deeks: Thanks.
  • Kensi: And for my partner, while we're at it.
  • Deeks: Cat Fancy? I get it. I'm not manly 'cause I'm not into restoring cars.
  • Kensi: I never said that.
  • Deeks: We'll also take, uh, this little guy right there.
  • Kensi: "Unwanted facial hair: Electrolysis versus laser". I don't have facial hair.
  • Deeks: Whatever you say, Pancho.
  • Kensi: La Iglesia de Neustra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles.
  • Deeks: Does that mean your miss-tache grows long at night?
  • Kensi: You're really lame. It actually means Church of our Lady the Queen of the Angels.
  • Deeks: Mm.
  • Kensi: Red Jeep.
  • Deeks: With a baja kit.
  • Kensi: Brunette. And she's our driver?
  • Deeks: I hope so. Latina mas fina.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.06 Lone Wolf:

  • (Kensi arrives at the office, asks for Deeks who left her at the airport; no one seems to care that Deeks is AWOL)
  • Deeks: Really? That's it? No phone calls to the hospital or the morgue? I mean, I could be lying in a ditch someplace.
  • Kensi: You slept here?
  • Deeks: Yeah, well, it's more of a tactical retreat, because my building is being tented for termites.
  • Sam: Termites or fleas?
  • Kensi: Yeah, now that you mention it, Monty has been looking kind of mangy.
  • Callen: You ever thought about taking that dog to a groomer? Maybe get that fur problem checked out?
  • Deeks: He's actually there right now, and the fur problem you're referring to is actually called a shaggy cut. I pay top dollar for that at the Pampered Pooch.
  • Sam: Are we talking about you or your dog?
  • Kensi: About that ride, shaggy boy.
  • Deeks: Hey, how was Hawaii?
  • Kensi: No, no, no. Don't change the subject.
  • Deeks: You're going to punish me for this, aren't you?
  • Kensi: Hell, yeah. Because you left me stranded at the airport, I believe I get to be master of the car radio today.
  • Deeks: Dear God, no... not that techno station again. Reminds me of college with all those foam parties and strawberry-flavored body glitter.
  • (Talking about The Sunset House)
  • Deeks: That's a private members-only club. There's a five-year waitlist just to get on the waitlist.
  • Kensi: Shall we?
  • Deeks: I think we shall.
  • (Outside The Sunset House)
  • Kensi: How come I always have to be the straight-laced... (to the vallet) thanks... (back to Deeks) boring one and you get to be the...
  • Deeks: The handsome and witty one? 'Cause that kind of just comes naturally. No cover is gonna conceal that.
  • Kensi: I say that I am a stylist from Paris flying through L.A. for an awards show, and you get to be my intern.
  • Deeks: Your intern? Are you serious? 'Cause I could be your model. (Kensi laughs) Or we could just ask Casey Freed why he was picked up at LAX by a hit man.
  • Kensi: If he's working with Basser, he's not gonna talk. He's gonna stall until the deal goes through.
  • Deeks: All right, so we're just gonna agree to disagree then?
  • Kensi: Yep.
  • Deeks: So, stalemate.
  • Kensi: Uh, more like a standoff.
  • Deeks: So what are we doing about cover?
  • Kensi: (chuckling) Well, like I said, it's a standoff. So...
  • Deeks: Snooze, you lose!
  • Kensi: What?
  • Deeks: (In the elevator) See you up there.
  • Kensi: Deeks, wait. I...
  • Deeks: (Speaks with a British accent) Don't be so glum, sweetheart. Come meet Melissa Peters. She manages the club.
  • Melissa Nice to meet you, Ines. I am so sorry... about your situation.
  • Deeks: Oh, don't be shy. It's all over the tabloids. The whole world knows that that love-rat footballer dumped you at the altar. 600 guests at Blenheim Palace. Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, uh, Sir Elton, Dame Edna. I mean, this is probably the worst thing you can do to a woman, am I right?
  • Melissa I just went through a bad breakup myself.
  • Deeks: You did?
  • Melissa It'll take time, Ines.
  • Deeks: Takes time.
  • Melissa Bikram yoga and burning his photos will help.
  • Kensi: Oh.
  • Deeks: I was just saying to Melissa that we managed to avoid the paparazzi on Sunset. Somehow, they caught wind that Brazil's most famous topless model escaped to L.A. after her doomed wedding. We just want to have a quiet bite. I thought that, um, our club in London had arranged everything.
  • Melissa Normally, we don't have reciprocal privileges, even with the Molton House in London, but I'll make an exception. Go ahead that way. You'll find the pool, a restaurant and two bars.
  • Deeks: You're an angel. You are. I'm in love with you. I am. Positively in love with you.
  • Kensi: That was your English accent?
  • Deeks: Yeah, but it kept slipping between Captain Jack Sparrow and Mary Poppins.
  • Kensi: Mm-hmm. And topless model?
  • Deeks: What are you talking about? That's a compliment. Have you seen those Brazilian magazines? They have high standards there.
  • Kensi: And isn't Ines the name of that burlesque dancer/professional mud wrestler that you were seeing?
  • Deeks: Again, a compliment. She's both graceful and athletic.
  • Kensi: Okay. Oh, heads up. There's Freed, and he's on his laptop.
  • Deeks: Just who we need. (Kensi takes off her shirt) Do your thing, Ines. Wow. That just happened.
  • Kensi: Good?
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Kensi: Good?
  • Deeks: Definitely. Definitely... good.
  • Deeks: (coming into the office) Okay. Oh, what are we... Heading out already? You don't, you don't want to grab a beer?
  • Callen: Hmm-mm.
  • Deeks: No? Maybe some Chinese food? Or Italian? (To Sam) Come on, man, I know you love Italian. (To Kensi) Or you and I could do some on-line shopping. You want to buy some shoes? Maybe some cutlery?
  • Kensi: You got nowhere to go, do you?
  • Deeks: No, that's not true. I just love spending time with you guys. Is that such a crime? (No one believes him) Okay, fair enough. Fumigation company called. They said I can't get back into my place until after midnight.
  • Callen: Sorry, buddy. I got plans.
  • Deeks:Oh.
  • Sam: Diving trip in Cancún. Got a flight to catch.
  • Deeks:Can... Cancún?
  • Kensi: Hey. I don't mind a burger and a beer.
  • Deeks: Yeah?
  • Kensi: Yeah. If you pay.
  • Deeks: Done.
  • Kensi: And drive.
  • Deeks: Done.
  • Kensi: And do my laundry for a month.
  • Deeks: (Smirking) Laundry?
  • Kensi: Outerwear only, Deeks. Okay?
  • Deeks: Uh-huh. Hold up. I'm driving, buying, washing your underwear.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.07 Honor:

  • Callen: You sure it wasn't you? Because the guy had your same little surfer drawl.
  • Deeks: Uh, I do not speak with a drawl.
  • Kensi: The way you just said "drawl"? You said it with a drawl. What are we talking about?
  • Deeks: Nothing. We are talking about absolutely nothing.
  • Callen: Someone called into a talk radio show last night. Sounded exactly like Deeks.
  • Deeks: Did he now? What was he calling about?
  • Callen: Oh, he just wanted to talk about his feelings. For a coworker.
  • Deeks: Don't you think it's strange that Callen is a talk radio guy?
  • Callen: Why's that?
  • Deeks: I don't know, I've just always kind of considered you more of a, uh... you know, a... TV static, white-noise kind of guy.
  • Callen: I have no idea what you're talking about.
  • Deeks: Well, I am a man of mystery.
  • Kensi: Mystery or misery?
  • Deeks: Oh. It's going to be that kind of day, isn't it? Buddy, you have no idea how lucky you are to have a male partner.
  • Kensi: What is that supposed to mean? Hmm?
  • Deeks: I just...
  • Kensi: You know what? Don't even answer that question.
  • Deeks: I'm not.
  • (After the owner of the shop calls Deeks "Dr. Phil")
  • Kensi: Don't worry. You're nothing like Dr. Phil.
  • Deeks: Thank you.
  • Kensi: With that speech impediment, you'd never make it on TV. Now, imagine having to stock shelves all day and answer to that guy.
  • Deeks: Sounds almost as bad as my gig as a lifeguard when I was in high school.
  • Kensi: Sorry, shouldn't you have loved that?
  • Deeks: Well, I was at a pool, got to have a God complex, plenty of skin, all true. But I was working at a YMCA, so I had to watch senior citizens perform water aerobics.
  • Kensi: O-okay.
  • Deeks: There was this woman, I'll never forget her: Gertrude Norland. She was a big, big woman. Skin condition. Overly flirty.
  • Kensi: Did she ever, uh, you know...
  • Deeks: Pretend to be choking so I would have to perform CPR? Yeah. She did. All the time.
  • Kensi: It's probably the most action you saw in high school.
  • Deeks: Okay. You know what? And that is why I don't open up to you right there.
  • Kensi: I bet you got stonewalled, too.
  • Deeks: Quite the contrary. I thought those guys were great. They even tipped me. In fact, they even invited me to hang out by the pool later. Ten bucks says they got a cabaña.
  • Callen: Let's see what we got here.
  • Kensi: That room is bigger than my house.
  • Deeks: And a lot cleaner.
  • Kensi: They're so sweet.
  • Deeks: All right, Sleepless in Seattle, you want to grab a beer?
  • Kensi: If you ask me nicely.
  • Deeks: You know what, forget about it.
  • Kensi: Why?
  • Deeks: I know where this is headed. Every time you see something like these two, you get all Eat, Pray, Lovesick on me.
  • Kensi: You don't like happy endings?
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, what?
  • Kensi: Why do you have to go there? Oh, my gosh.
  • Deeks: I just want to have some beers with my partner.
  • Kensi: I can do that.
  • Deeks: Yeah? Can you? Partners... just have some burgers, watch the game.
  • Kensi: Of course. I'm just one of the guys.
  • Deeks: Well, if that's the case, maybe we should hit up a strip club.
  • Kensi: Don't be an idiot.
  • Deeks: All right. Fair enough. Want me to drive?
  • Kensi: No.
  • Deeks: All right.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.08 Greed:

  • (In the gym, "Blue Danube Waltz" is playing and Kensi and Deeks are waltzing while Sam and Callen are watching.)
  • Hetty: The waltz was revolutionary in the late 18th century because it was the first time couples faced each other when they danced. It was a scandalous display of public intimacy.
  • Deeks: Public intimacy... I like it.
  • Hetty: Count!
  • Deeks: One, two, three. One, two, three.
  • (Deeks steps on Kensi's foot.)
  • Kensi: He's stepping on me.
  • Deeks: That's not true. You just keep putting your feet underneath mine when I lift them.
  • Kensi: You know where I'm gonna put my foot?
  • Deeks: Why are we doing this?
  • Hetty: Because you need to face each other and try to work together.
  • Kensi: Oh! We do work together.
  • Hetty: Yes, not always harmoniously.
  • Deeks: Couldn't we do something like synchronized swimming instead?
  • Kensi: Deeks.
  • Deeks: What? It's just like this, except for you would be in a bikini.
  • (Deeks steps on Kensi's foot, again.)
  • Kensi: Ouch!
  • Deeks: Sorry. I was thinking about bikinis.
  • (Kensi pushes Deeks into position.)
  • Deeks: I'm listening! Ready? One, two, three.
  • Hetty: Posture, grace, floating as one.
  • Kensi: It's kind of hard to float when you're in heels. Ow.
  • Hetty: Think of your partner.
  • Deeks: Well, it's kind of hard when all she keeps talking about is high heels and bikinis.
  • Sam: Maybe Kensi should lead.
  • Callen: Isn't that what she's doing?
  • (In the desert.)
  • Deeks: My cop instincts are definitely kicking in.
  • Kensi: Yeah, what are they telling you?
  • Deeks: Something isn't right. Wait a second. Why'd they stop following us? Is it 'cause of the wolves? Yeah? Are there wolves out here? Awesome. Ever heard of the Chupacabra?
  • Kensi: Yes.
  • Deeks: Body of a bear, the spine of a stegosaurus, claws like an eagle, lives in the desert, eats tourists?
  • Kensi: You are Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.
  • Deeks: No, no, they call this the Devil's Path. This area is so dangerous, the Mexican police don't even come here.
  • Kensi: Okay, this area, Deeks, is the United States of America.
  • Deeks: What? We're in America?
  • Kensi: Yes! That's why they stopped following us. The border's right back there.
  • Deeks: Oh, well, that's fantastic news.
  • (A boar appears squealing.)
  • Deeks: Oh, no! It's a wild boar. Shh!
  • Kensi: Think it's a feral pig.
  • Deeks: No, no, no, don't look at it directly. Show submission. Just walk away very quietly.
  • (The boar squeals and follows them.)
  • Deeks: Whoa, what the hell? Whoa.
  • Kensi: It's following you.
  • Deeks: What does he want?
  • Kensi: I think she's in love with you.
  • Deeks: Oh. Well, of course she is. You want to know why? Because she has fantastic taste. Here, pretty girl. Huh? What's your name? You come to the desert often? I bet you do. You keep it toned? You look good.
  • Kensi: Hey, Deeks. Think I found something.
  • Deeks: All right, you stay here. Don't go changing. I got cop work. What do you got?
  • Kensi: ATV tracks stop here, but the truck tracks start there. There could have been a ramp right here.
  • Deeks: Looks like he put the ATV in the back of a pickup truck and headed north to the highway. (To the boar) Hang on, baby.
  • Eric: ¿Señor Deeks, cómo está?
  • Deeks: Eric, I'm sending some pics to my skydrive.
  • Eric: Bueno.
  • Deeks: See if you can I.D. the tracks. (To the boar.) All right, pork chop, can you describe the bad guys in the truck? Can you describe them? Uh-huh. And what about the other one? (Boar squeals again.) Ah, Kensi, I-I think, I think she saw one of them.
  • Eric: All right, got a match. BF Goodrich 245/75R17. Comes standard on six different trucks. But only one with dual rear wheels. Ford F-350.
  • Kensi: Eric, also take a look at the tapes from the cameras on Interstate 8. It's the first highway north of here. And go back about 24 hours.
  • Eric: Will do.
  • Kensi: Thanks. (To Deeks.) You going to put lipstick on that pig?
  • Deeks: Don't you listen to her. She's just jealous.
  • Kensi: Don't make promises you can't keep.
  • Deeks: (To the boar.) I'll see you soon. You're beautiful. I'll miss you. (To Kensi while they walk away from the pig.) See, I know how to let a girl down easy. With respect and honesty.
  • Kensi: Yeah, you change your cell phone number.
  • Deeks: That's why I don't give them my home address.
  • Kensi: Aha. That's why she likes you.
  • Deeks: Why is that?
  • Kensi: Same species.
  • (Kensi answer her phone, a black man enters the house to her back.)
  • Kensi: Hey, Sam?
  • Sam: Kensi, you've got company.
  • (The man points his gun to her neck.)
  • Man: Hang up.
  • Sam: Kensi...
  • Man: Please, don't make a sound.
  • (First we hear only Deeks' voice, them we see him looking at a painting right in front of Kensi and the man but not looking at them.)
  • Deeks: Are you digging the art in this place as much as I am? I mean, it's bold, and it's cool.I mean, why isn't there more cool art, you know? Oh, there's another one. I want to show you this one.
  • (He "hides" from Kensi's view, Kensi thinks he doesn't know what's going on and that he went to take another painting.)
  • Deeks: This is my favorite 'cause it's the perfect combination of girls and guns.
  • (Deeks comes back pointing his gun to the man who hides behind Kensi.)
  • Deeks: Let me make this perfectly clear: If you harm her, this is going to be your last day on earth.
  • (...)
  • Deeks: You know what this is? This is warm and cuddly, but we're forgetting he nearly just killed my partner.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.10 The Debt:

  • Kensi: Our position is completely wrong.
  • Deeks: (Looking though a binoculars) And yet it's so right.
  • Kensi: No, no, we should be on foot with Callen and Sam, not stuck back here. That's what LAPD is for... no offense. (Taking aways the binoculars from Deeks) Are you listening to me?
  • Deeks: Ow. Sorry. Hashtag I think I'm in love. (Taking the binoculars back) L-O-V-E, huh?
  • Kensi: Hashtag my partner's a loser.
  • Kensi: Where's his gun? Deeks, where's his gun?
  • Deeks: He didn't have one.
  • Kensi: How you holding up?
  • Deeks: Well, I shot my dad when I was 11, shot a lot more guys as a cop... And all of 'em deserved it... life or death situations... until today.
  • Kensi: That guy was a neo-Nazi murderer wanted by the FBI since '04.
  • Deeks: Yeah, well, LAPD gave me a badge 'cause I know when not to pull the trigger... and if I've lost that edge, man, I'm just another thug with a gun.
  • Kensi: I would have done the same thing.
  • Deeks: Right.
  • Kensi: I'm here for you, okay?
  • Kensi: Why don't you just quit? Just resign from the LAPD and apply to become an NCIS agent.
  • Callen: It's not that easy.
  • Deeks: He's right, LAPD is going to have Internal Affairs all over me. They're going to schedule a hearing. A judge is going to review the evidence and if he finds me at fault, then my career is over. Wow, that sounds weird to say out loud. Okay, I should probably get going.
  • Kensi: If you ever need anything...
  • Deeks: I know.
  • Kensi: I'll be...
  • Deeks: Right.
  • Kensi: That's all you have to say?
  • Deeks: I don't know what you want me to say right now. This isn't easy for me either.
  • Kensi: I have something to say. And I think that if I don't say it now, I probably never will. So just give me the chance... to come out and say it.
  • Deeks: I don't know if this is the right time to say it...
  • Kensi: Well, it is what it is.
  • Deeks: Right, and we are what we are.
  • Kensi: We were what we were. And it's over now. I just, I kinda hoped you'd have more to say.
  • Deeks: I don't know. I mean, I think that it just takes maybe more time for me to process it. Okay, well, then I will, uh, I'll call you.
  • Kensi: You'll call me?
  • Deeks: Yes, I will call you and we will figure it out.
  • Kensi: Figure it out.
  • Deeks: Exactly. We always do.
  • Kensi: Right.
  • Deeks: Did anyone ever tell you how cute you are when you're homicidally angry?
  • Kensi: I'm not angry. In fact, I could slit your jugular vein 11 different ways from where I'm sitting and I wouldn't lose my temper.
  • Deeks: Nell, right? Well, I'm sorry that I had to lie to you. I was protecting you.
  • Kensi: You were protecting me?
  • Deeks: Us.
  • Kensi: Us?
  • Deeks: Our... our thing.
  • Kensi: Whoa. So there is a thing?
  • Deeks: Can we not talk about this right now? I just... maybe we could do it over drinks or something.
  • Kensi: No, I have plans.
  • Deeks: Well, then...
  • Kensi: Every night for the rest of my life.
  • Deeks: What the hell is Bates doing?
  • Kensi: Isn't he leading the raid?
  • Deeks: No. Black leather jacket and a baseball cap. Bates really is the mole.
  • Kensi: Bates said that you swore off female partners. Is that true?
  • Deeks: Oh, I don't really think of you as a female in that sense of the word. I mean, you're clearly not male, because you've got the... I mean... Clearly. I don't know... you're Kensi.
  • Kensi: Oh, okay. Welcome home... I think.
  • Deeks: No, no. That's not... it's not what I meant. I didn't mean it like that. It's supposed to be a compliment. Because females... I would be... Come on, Kensi?!

Back to list ^

Episode 3.11 Higher Power:

  • Sam: She talks, she flaps her wings, and she responds to 30 commands.
  • Kensi: Oh, five more than Deeks.
  • Deeks: How's that? You talking about me?
  • Kensi: Hmm.
  • Deeks: Are you going away?
  • Kensi: No. Just looking at cars.
  • Deeks: So, uh, whole rental car thing. Clearly you're going somewhere.
  • Kensi: Thinking about it.
  • Deeks: Near or far?
  • Kensi: Far.
  • Deeks: Hot or cold?
  • Kensi: Warm.
  • Deeks: Alone or accompanied? You don't have to answer that. Okay, I give up.
  • Kensi: Okay.
  • Deeks: Wait. What? No, I give up, and then you tell me.
  • Kensi: Side door.
  • Deeks: You're not gonna tell me, are you?
  • Kensi: Whoa!
  • Deeks: Something tells me that Chester didn't get enough hugs.
  • Kensi: Yes, and that's exactly where I keep my grenades, next to my crackers.
  • Deeks: Is that a ballistic missile?
  • Kensi: Hah
  • Deeks: What the hell is that?
  • Kensi: I don't know, but it doesn't sound good.
  • Deeks: Go!
  • Kensi: Geez! (They hide behind chairs) Oh! It's a Tesla coil.
  • Deeks: A what?!
  • Kensi: Nikola Tesla? The inventor of alternating current. Did you not take high school physics?
  • Deeks: No, I was pretty much just focused on Marci De Luka's skirt. Is... Is there an off switch we just hit?
  • Kensi: No, we have to short it out. We need water. Take off your shirt.
  • Deeks: How's that?
  • Kensi: Take off your shirt. We'll wet it, we'll throw it, it won't arc back.
  • Deeks: All right. Except for the fact that we don't have any liquids.
  • Kensi: Uh, urine's a good conductor.
  • Deeks: Okay, be my guest. (Throws his shirt to Kensi)
  • Kensi: I peed before we got here. (Throws the shirt back)
  • Deeks: Really?
  • Kensi: Yes.
  • Deeks: You know what? This isn't gonna work. I've got a shy bladder.
  • Kensi: Deeks, pee or perish!
  • Deeks: Hey, hey, look. Goldfish. Ready? Go. (Kensi wets the shirt and goes back to hide behing the chair) I should take it.
  • Kensi: I played softball in college. Thanks.
  • Deeks: I pitched hardball. (Kensi throws the shirt to Deeks) In Little League. We make it out of this alive, we're going to Australia. On three. One, two, three. (Tesla coil blows) I think I'm gonna need a new shirt.
  • Kensi: What happened?
  • Deeks: Dead end. Carlyle's assistant spent the whole day yesterday in the ER after she was bit trying to liberate a chimp. Although we do have a bunch of texts to her from Bevan Tao.
  • Kensi: Urasawa? How the hell does a grad student afford $800 sushi?
  • Deeks: It's a good question. Nell's looking into it. Speaking of primo sushi, probably gonna find some of that in Hawaii.
  • Kensi: Have you been on my computer?
  • Deeks: No, I'm just using my excellent powers of deduction.
  • Kensi: Or maybe it's a wild guess.
  • Deeks: A wild guess you just confirmed. What? Come on. All right, you stay at a nice hotel, I'll crash on the beach. I'll show you all the places the locals go. "Mele Kalikimaka". It's the thing to say. You know what that means?
  • Kensi: "Merry Christmas." I'm going alone. You know what that means?
  • Deeks: Hmm... means I'm gonna pick you up at the airport when you get back?
  • Kensi: That would be nice.
  • Deeks: Secret lady business?
  • Kensi: Something like that.
  • Bevan: Hey.
  • Kensi: Hi. Can I come in?
  • Bevan: Well, I told you to call me if you had any questions; I didn't think you'd...
  • Deeks: Hello.
  • Bevan: You're hanging out with the janitor?
  • Kensi: Oh!
  • Deeks: That hurts.
  • Kensi: Federal agents.
  • Deeks: That's a nice flatscreen.
  • Bevan: Uh, it's a Christmas present from my dad.
  • Kensi: Where's your moving truck?
  • Bevan: I returned it.
  • Deeks: Your buddy Hamada give you a hand with that?
  • Bevan: He's not my friend.
  • Kensi: You've been calling him a lot.
  • Bevan: He's my lab partner in nano-optics.
  • Kensi: So you're working with him?
  • Deeks: That was a big bank deposit you made today.
  • Bevan: That's my tutoring money.
  • Kensi: Wow!
  • Deeks: Four grand?
  • Bevan: If you get a rich kid into an Ivy League school, your rates go up to 300 an hour.
  • Kensi: Super interesting. What's his name?
  • Bevan: Um... Johnny.
  • Deeks: Can we get an address? For, um... Johnny?
  • Bevan: You're really a federal agent?
  • Deeks: I actually got something for you, too.
  • Kensi: For me?
  • Deeks: Yeah. It's a gift for the tropical sun. It's made by a woman in Venice for a very select clientele. It's hypoallergenic, made with organic coconut oil, shea butter and jojoba. So I thought that you would, uh, like it.
  • Kensi: Wow. Thank you.
  • Deeks: Have fun on your trip.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.12 The Watcher:

  • Kensi: (Entering the car) Is this a legit alert?
  • Deeks: Sounds like it.
  • (Kensi thows her bag on the seat behind and catches Deeks in the face)
  • Deeks: Ah.
  • Kensi: Sorry.
  • Deeks: You, uh, you missed a button.
  • Kensi: Oh, well, you heard the guy. He was this close from giving up his partner. I had him eating out of my hand.
  • Deeks: How was that?
  • Kensi: Just drive.
  • Deeks: Uh-huh.
  • Deeks: So, uh, why's the new guy want to talk about your Hawaii trips?
  • Kensi: I don't know.
  • Deeks: Hmm.
  • Kensi: When I was there, I spoke to a few Marines who knew my father.
  • Deeks: Spoke to them about what?
  • Kensi: About his death and the day he died. I didn't hear anything I hadn't already heard.
  • Deeks: Well, apparently, someone didn't appreciate the questions. (Door of the victim's house opens) Oh, and who do we have here meeting our murder victim's wife?
  • Kensi: Could be her lawyer. Oh. Huh.
  • Deeks: Wow. And if so, apparently, the, uh, lawyer-client privileges include benefits.
  • Deeks: Oh, and here we go. Well, looks like I'm going inside. If I'm not back in ten minutes, it's 'cause I'm in trouble or I'm getting a bikini wax.
  • (In the car, while listening to this, Sam and Callen look at Kensi funny)
  • Kensi: Welcome to my world.
  • (Deeks, dressed as a homeless guy, groans and bends in a half like he's hurt or something)
  • Kensi: Deeks, you okay?
  • Deeks: Mm... Oh... I think I went a little too method. Might have shook something loose.
  • Sam: (closing the car door, to not let Deeks in) Tell me you're kidding.
  • Deeks: I'm kidding. (Climbing in the back seat of the car near Kensi) But I may need to make a pit stop.
  • Kensi: Anybody want to trade partners?
  • Deeks: You're not getting this anyplace else, mama. Huh? (showing his missing tooth)
  • Deeks: A little whiplash yesterday?
  • Kensi: No, I'm fine.
  • Deeks: You know, you never told me about your father.
  • Kensi: Yes, I have.
  • Deeks: Not about how he died.
  • Kensi: That's 'cause I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
  • Deeks: Just if, I don't know, if you ever want to talk about it, I just... I know a thing or two about fathers, so...
  • Kensi: You shot your father.
  • Deeks: One time. All right, it's not like I killed the man. (Kensi chuckles) Well, I didn't say I was an expert. I just meant that...
  • Kensi: Heads up.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.13 Exit Strategy:

  • Kensi: All right, this is the warehouse Bakri's leasing.
  • Deeks: Smells like a roller rink out here.
  • Kensi: Who goes to a roller rink?
  • Deeks: You never went as a kid?
  • Kensi: (laughing) No.
  • Deeks: How do you not go? You're talking about, uh, you know, arcade games, disco balls, couples skates. Hey, triples skate.
  • Kensi: Well, I was just more into building campfires and going fishing.
  • Deeks: That's right; you were the poster girl for the Tomboys for America. I forgot.
  • Kensi: Uh, actually, I was just outdoorsy.
  • Deeks: Know who else is outdoorsy? Labrador Retrievers.
  • Kensi: I don't know why I bother talking to you sometimes.
  • Deeks: Real question is: do you think you were born a tomboy, or you become one because your dad really wanted a son?
  • Kensi: (Stopping his walking) You did not just say that.
  • Deeks: No... no, no, no, that... that came out wrong. I was just asking the classic question of nature versus nurture... (Kensi punches him) Aah!
  • (Deeks grunts and coughs)
  • Kensi: Shh.
  • Deeks: Oh. Yeah, no, no. That's definitely genetic. Oh, man. Wow. Really? Think you might be packing an extra Y chromosome there, Ms. Klinefelter.
  • Kensi: Are you ready? (They enter the building) Federal agents! Don't move! I'll take the back!
  • Deeks: No. No! (outside after Kensi tackles the suspect) Oh-ho! Snap! Calf-roping champion?
  • Kensi: Yee-haw.
  • Callen: Why are former French spooks working with Khaled?
  • Sam: What are former French operatives doing in this country, period?
  • Deeks: Yeah, you'd think they would have learned their lesson after Kensi kicked one of their "freres" in the croissants the last time we met.
  • Kensi: You know it.
  • Callen: Kens, if Hetty can get you a warrant, you think you and Deeks Montalban International?
  • Kensi: Oh! Bien sur, mon ami. Pas de problem.
  • Deeks: I love it when you talk dirty.
  • (Outside a building, they park the car)
  • Deeks: Ugh, office buildings make me nauseous.
  • Kensi: What do you got, Nell?
  • Nell: Okay, you need to get to the server room. It's located on the second floor. Get a cell phone connected to one of the hubs in there, and we should be able to copy their database. I'm sending floor plans to your tablet now.
  • Kensi: Copy that.
  • Deeks: These things make me feel like I'm in a noose, but... good God, do I look breathtaking.
  • Kensi: Oh. I prefer you in a noose.
  • Deeks: Oh, a little bondage play? Really? You naughty little librarian.
  • Kensi: (looking at her strange camisole) Where do you guys get this from? Ugh. Okay. How do you want to play it? Pope in the Pool?
  • Deeks: With a Swedish Handoff?
  • Kensi: You suck at the Swedish Handoff.
  • Deeks: Are you kidding me? I practically invented it. Certainly perfected it.
  • (Inside a building)
  • Deeks: Oh. Good afternoon... Maribel.
  • Maribel: Welcome to Montalban International. How can I help you?
  • Deeks: Christopher Stone. Stone Electronic Solutions. SES, if you want to be quick about it.
  • Maribel: Good afternoon, Mr. Stone.
  • Deeks: Indeed it is. Only thing that could possibly make it better is my meeting with Montalban. That and maybe seeing that beautiful smile one more... And there it is.
  • Maribel: I'm afraid Mr. Montalban is unavailable this afternoon. Are you sure you have the right time?
  • Deeks: 110% sure. In fact, if you could just check your records again, I'm sure I'm down for 3:00 p.m. sharp.
  • Maribel: Yes.
  • Deeks: Yes.
  • Maribel: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing anything.
  • Deeks: Darcy. Darcy!
  • Kensi: Mr. Stone?
  • Deeks: Please tell me that you remembered to make this appointment last month, because I only reminded you about 5,000 times.
  • Kensi: Of course. Uh, I mean, I think so.
  • Deeks: Of course you did or you think so? Which one is it? 'Cause those are two very different things.
  • Maribel: If you'd like, I may be able to set you up with one of our senior advisors.
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm. What I'd like is to have an assistant that isn't a complete incompetent moron. What about you, Maribel? You seem smart. They pay you enough here?
  • Maribel: Well, I...
  • Deeks: I'm sure you can type circles around this one. At least we know you can put together an outfit. Which is much better than... (Kensi starts sobbing) Really? With the tears again? Every single day with the tears and the sobbing. I'll tell you what. Here's the deal, missy. I'm gonna plant my wingtips right here, and I'm not leaving until Mr. Montalban walks through one of those doors.
  • Guard: Sir, I think it's time for you to leave.
  • Deeks: We're just having a slightly animated conversation. It's good for the blood. No reason to, uh, become alarmed. (chuckling) This guy.
  • Guard: It's my job to be alarmed, pal.
  • Deeks: Okay, my real pals know not to touch me. That's mistake numero uno.
  • Guard: Okay, come on, let's go.
  • Deeks: Oh, we're doing this?
  • Guard: Mm-hmm.
  • Deeks: You want to do it?
  • Guard: Come on.
  • Deeks: Right now? That's fine. We'll do it. I can walk. Hands off, huh? I can walk myself. You guys validate parking?
  • Kensi: I'm so, so sorry.
  • Maribel: Don't even worry about it.
  • Kensi: It's just been one of those months, you know. Oh, look at that, I'm all blubbery. Do you have a bathroom that I could use to freshen up a little bit?
  • Maribel: Sure. It's right down the hall.
  • Kensi: Thank you.
  • (Outside a building, Deeks is waiting for Kensi)
  • Deeks: Put your rear in gear, honey! That car ain't driving itself!
  • Guard: You need a new job.
  • Kensi: Yeah, tell me about it.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.14 Partners:

  • Deeks: Oh, look out. I think we got a, uh, stage-four bromance on our hands, here.
  • Kensi: Will they, or won't they?
  • Deeks: They're actually not talking to each other.
  • Kensi: Someone started humoring someone else. Things deteriorated.
  • Kensi: That's our van.
  • Deeks: Let's take a look around. Okay, the serial number on the box is 244932.
  • Kensi: 244932? Let's find it fast.
  • Deeks: Am I the only one having flashbacks to Raiders Of The Lost Ark?
  • Kensi: What do you mean?
  • Deeks: The end of the movie, the last scene. They wheel in the Lost Ark to this giant warehouse, and... Wait a minute. Have you not seen the movie?
  • Kensi: I've seen it.
  • Deeks: You're a liar.
  • Kensi: Why would I lie?
  • Deeks: Okay, how does the movie begin?
  • Kensi: I forget. Okay, I haven't seen it. So what? Big deal.
  • Deeks: Well, you really were raised by wolves, weren't you? Found it.
  • Kensi: You know, I got to hand it to Callen and Sam. Think our partnership is gonna last five years?
  • Deeks: I can't see why not. Unless one or both of us dies in the line of duty, I decide to finally go off and join the circus, or your biological clock goes off and you pop out a litter of gifted mutant assassins.
  • Kensi: Really?
  • Deeks: Well, they're gonna be fighting for the side of justice, naturally.
  • Kensi: Naturally. (knocks on the door) Jonathan Souza? NCIS. Open up. (to Deeks) Ready?
  • Deeks: Three, two, one.
  • Kensi: Federal agents! I got a body. It's Professor Souza. (shots fired) Got him?
  • Deeks: Wow.
  • Kensi: You just shot Agent Gornt.
  • Deeks: Well, obviously Gornt never got on that plane to Washington D.C.
  • Kensi: No, he didn't.
  • Kensi: Deeks.
  • Deeks: Well, either one of those is a burn phone or he was really in the dark about call waiting.
  • Kensi: This one's his burn phone. He made two calls today.
  • Deeks: Once Mr. Whistle does his magic, we'll have a better idea which one of the couriers was in on it. Or if it was both of them.
  • Kensi: Partners for ten years. You know each other that long, work together every single day, put your lives in each other's hands...
  • Deeks: Yet still manage to hide the biggest secret in your life.
  • Kensi: There's plenty of stuff about my personal life I'd never tell you, but turning traitor?
  • Deeks: What-what are you talking about? You mean like important stuff?
  • Kensi: Important stuff to me, not to you.
  • Deeks: Are we talking about, like, embarrassing, intimate things? Because if we are, listen, Kensi, you can tell me anything. You know I'm not gonna judge you, no matter how depraved or twisted or, hey, kinky those things may be.
  • Kensi: Can we focus?
  • Deeks: Oh, I'm focused. Believe me.
  • Kensi: On this.
  • Deeks: That is certainly not his laundry detergent travel kit.
  • Kensi: Looks like he was using Professor Souza to authenticate the ephedrine.
  • Deeks: So Gornt realized that NCIS was onto him, he didn't want to take any chances. Once Souza's job is done, so is he.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.15 Crimeleon:

  • (Deeks clears his throat and start writing on his computer. Kensi is blending something)
  • Deeks: Ahem! Kensi!
  • Kensi: Yeah?
  • Deeks: Kensi, can you please blend your super-organic, green, toxic-removing smoothie someplace else? (Kensi laughs)
  • Sam: Pure life-giving chlorophyll.
  • Kensi: Hey, you guys want one?
  • Callen: Real men drink coffee, not fruit smoothies.
  • Kensi: Speaking of real men, the recipe for this one is called... The Woody.
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, what? Did you say that's called The Woody?
  • Kensi: Yes. This delicious blend will enhance every aspect of your life and, uh, help you stand tall, day and night. (gives Deeks the glass)
  • Deeks: Cheers.
  • Kensi: Mmm.
  • Deeks: (coughing and making some disgusting noises) God! What is in there? Tastes like actual wood.
  • Kensi: Well, it's not juicing, you use the whole fruit, so what you're tasting are the grape stems.
  • Sam: You put stems in?
  • Kensi: Th-Th-The book said to use the whole fruit.
  • Deeks: (taking out the stem from the glass)You realized I could have choked to death?
  • Callen: On The Woody?
  • Sam: I always figured Deeks would go out like that.
  • Deeks: Wow. I'm really feeling the love this morning.
  • Deeks: There's actually a club called the Edison.
  • Kensi: Yes, I know it.
  • Deeks: Yeah, I probably know it better. In fact, I'm gonna go check that out by myself.
  • Kensi: Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bub. Wait, come back here. Let me guess, there's a crazy ex-girlfriend involved.
  • Deeks: With anger/jealousy/trust/more anger issues. That and the fact I told her my partner was a bald 50-year-old fat man, which you are... (checking her out) ...clearly not.
  • Kensi: You lied to her.
  • Deeks: Yeah, just to make her happy.
  • Kensi: I'm talking to the voices in my head. They say the craziest things at that time of the month. You know what I'm saying? It's like, wa-wa-wa-wa! I'm like, shut up! So, you into colonics?
  • Guy: I got to go.
  • Kensi: Huh.
  • Deeks: Yeah, you are good at scaring them off.
  • Kensi: That's too bad. I liked him.
  • Deeks: Really? How can you fall for that? There's obviously just one thing on that guy's mind.
  • Sam: How's that any different from somebody like, say, you, Deeks?
  • Deeks: Well, first off, I would have been successful.
  • Kensi: In picking me up?
  • Deeks: Uh-huh. We'd be in the car right now, heading home. You'd be drunk, sitting in my lap, telling me I'm gonna wake up with bite marks on my neck.
  • Sam: Too much information.
  • Deeks: Except for the fact that you're not my type.
  • Kensi: I am, too, your type.
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, what? Can I just get confirmation that we just heard that.
  • Kensi: I did not mean it that way, and you know it.
  • Sam: I heard it.
  • Callen: I heard it, too.
  • Deeks: Are we, uh, recording this, 'cause I would love to use that as my ringtone.

Back to list ^

Episode 3.16 Blye, K. (Part 1):

  • Kensi: So you've never been dumped?
  • Deeks: What part of "never" don't you understand?
  • Kensi: I don't believe you.
  • Deeks: Well, that's understandable considering your track record.
  • Kensi: Oh.
  • Deeks: But honestly, look at me, huh? I mean, how could you break up with this, you know? I'm super fun, I'm like 365 days of heaven.
  • Kensi: Heaven? See, I was thinking south and much, much, much hotter.
  • Deeks: So, like, Mexico?
  • Kensi: Let me guess, you're the "senses the breakup, initiates preemptive strike" guy.
  • Deeks: Yeah, well, it's much better to be the breaker than the breakee, I think.
  • Kensi: You're just broken, Deeks.
  • Deeks: Yeah, well, no argument there. Uh, what are we, what are we doing here? Where are the guys?
  • Kensi: I don't actually know. I just got a page from Ops to meet here.
  • Deeks: What, are they hiding? Are you guys hiding, huh? You throwing me a surprise party?
  • Kensi: You do know it's not your birthday, right?
  • Deeks: Which is why it would be so surprising.
  • Granger: (over intercom) Agent Blye, could you come in here, please?
  • Deeks: You invited Granger?
  • Kensi: Yeah.
  • Deeks: This is the worst surprise birthday party ever.
  • Granger: (To Deeks) You can go, (to Kensi) and you can have a seat.
  • Deeks: You good?
  • Kensi: Yeah.
  • Deeks: All right.
  • (Deeks knocks on Kensi's door)
  • Deeks: You know the convenience store around the corner really sucks. All they had was stale coffee and fuzzy doughnuts.
  • Kensi: Deeks, it's not a good time.
  • Deeks: It would be kind of a pity to waste a mediocre cup of coffee. Here, just hold it, and then I'll...
  • Kensi: Deeks...
  • Deeks: Oh, sorry about that. God, I can't believe you just fell for that. Just, uh, so you know, you've got two undercover agents outside watching you.
  • Kensi: Yes, I know.
  • Deeks: And just to clarify, when did you start moonlighting as a hit man? I mean, you got the whole federal agent by day and killer by night. I mean, it really does have summer blockbuster written all over it.
  • Kensi: Well, if it were true, guess who my next victim would be?
  • Deeks: Wow.
  • Kensi: No, no, no! It was my dad's.
  • Deeks: That doesn't explain what you're doing with it.
  • Kensi: I was cleaning it.
  • Deeks: Why?
  • Kensi: What have you guys got so far?
  • Deeks: Subject change. I'll play along. David Blake's car was tampered with. His brake lines were rigged with a small explosive. Looks like he was murdered.
  • Kensi: You don't think it was...
  • Deeks: Not for a second.
  • Kensi: Why hasn't Granger arrested me?
  • Deeks: 'Cause we haven't told him yet. Thought we could buy ourselves a little bit of time, but Forensics is eventually gonna find it. I realize that this is the point in the conversation when I say something profound and life-affirming, so I actually... came prepared. Everything is gonna be fine. That's...
  • Kensi: That's it?
  • Deeks: Seemed longer when I was writing it. Probably sounds better, like, in Latin. It's more profound if I say it... But you're laughing, so it obviously worked.
  • Kensi: Yeah. Hmm. There's a lot about what's going on that I haven't told you.
  • Deeks: But I'm your partner; you can tell me anything.
  • Kensi: I haven't told you to protect you. Because there are... (phone ringing) Are you gonna get that?
  • Deeks: Wasn't planning on it. Just two seconds. It's Deeks.
  • Hetty: Mr. Deeks, I need you to take Kensi into custody. I'm sorry, it's protocol.
  • Deeks: Yeah, no, copy that. Yeah.
  • Hetty: Sooner rather than later.
  • Deeks: Yeah, no, I got it.
  • Hetty: All right.
  • Deeks: Okay. Uh...
  • Kensi: What?
  • Deeks: That was Hetty. LAPD discovered that Blake's car was rigged. I go to bring you in.

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Episode 3.17 Blye, K. (Part 2):

  • Deeks: What's up, killer? You don't have to shoot me, I didn't mean that literally.
  • Kensi: What are you doing here?
  • Deeks: Just came to beat up some bad guys, save the damsel in distress, and ride off into the sunset.
  • Kensi: Oh... Oh, don't make me laugh. Feels like someone's grinding an ice pick into my ribs every time I move.
  • Deeks: I parked your car around the corner if you want to take off.
  • Kensi: Who said you could drive my car? I just got it washed.
  • Deeks: Okay, just for future reference, badass rogue operatives don't care if their car is dirty.
  • Kensi: I'm not done here yet.
  • Deeks: You took a, uh, high-velocity round to the torso. The least you can do is let me take a look at the damage. Kensi...
  • Deeks: You gonna tell me now why we came to this house?
  • Kensi: Because the man tailing me was headed here. Did you guys question him yet?
  • Deeks: You didn't exactly leave us a lot to interrogate, Kens. The guy's in ICU.
  • Kensi: I defended myself with reasonable force, Deeks.
  • Deeks: Right. So what happens now? What happens when you catch up with the guy who took a shot at you? You gonna ask him if he killed your father? Pull the trigger if he says yes?
  • Kensi: What if I do?
  • Deeks: We don't just smoke whoever stands in our way. That's the difference between us and them.
  • Kensi: Speak for yourself.
  • Deeks: I am speaking for my... (Kensi takes off her shirt) Wow, this is usually how the dream sequence starts.
  • Kensi: Deeks?
  • Deeks: Sorry. You got... a little bit of a... bruise.
  • Kensi: Really?
  • Deeks: (Deeks caresses Kensi's bruise and ribs) Hold your breath.
  • Kensi: (gasping) Oh, my God.
  • Deeks: You got a cracked rib. It's not broken. If it was, you'd puncture a lung at that angle.
  • Kensi: Yeah, well, I got lucky. A center-mass hit would have torn through the vest.
  • Deeks: (turning around while she dresses up) Okay.
  • Kensi: Oh, really? Now you turn around?
  • Deeks: What's this got to do with the woman who lives here?
  • Deeks: All right, I got to bring you in.
  • Kensi: I need a favor.
  • Deeks: All right, if you think that I'm gonna let you go out and do this on your own, it's not gonna happen, Kens. Forget favors. I'm taking you back.
  • Kensi: I need you to keep the woman who lives here in protective custody.
  • Deeks: Why?
  • Kensi: Just please do this for me.
  • Deeks: Why is she so important?
  • Kensi: Because she's my mother.
  • Deeks: I thought your mother was dead.
  • Kensi: I never said that.
  • Deeks: Yeah, but you never mentioned her, so I just assumed that she... you know, had passed away or that you...
  • Kensi: We just haven't spoken for 15 years.
  • Deeks: She lives 20 minutes away from you.
  • Kensi: Deeks, I need help.
  • Deeks: Okay, then I'll bring you both in.
  • Kensi: No. Somebody tried to kill me today. I'm the target. That makes my mother leverage. So the closer she is to me, the more she's at risk.
  • Deeks: I understand that.
  • Kensi: Okay. (phone rings)
  • Deeks: Hold on a second.
  • Deeks: Did you just hang up on them?
  • Kensi: Yeah. I've got to go talk to this woman named Megan Stevens.
  • Deeks: Kensi...
  • Kensi: No, no, no, Deeks. I-I know they want you to bring me in.
  • Deeks: I'm not talking about what they want, all right? Forget what they want. I'm talking about us, all right? I'm your partner. What makes you think that I'm gonna let you do this by yourself?
  • Kensi: Because you're my partner. And this is my mother... and you're the only person I trust.
  • Deeks: Okay, I'll keep her safe.
  • Kensi: Thank you. I will come back in as soon as I talk to Megan Stevens. That's a promise.
  • Deeks: What do you, what do you want me to say to your mother? Like, what am I, what am I supposed, what am I supposed to say to her? That you're gonna see her soon? That you care about her? That you love her? Like, what am I supposed to say?
  • Kensi: I don't know.
  • Deeks: Okay.
  • (Kensi hides in a bathroom on the beach, calls Deeks but doesn't speak)
  • Deeks: This is Deeks. Kensi? Kensi, is that you? Are you okay? Kensi, talk to me. Kensi? (she hungs up)
  • Kensi: I owe you an apology. There's a lot I never told you.
  • Deeks: I'll settle for a beer every day for the rest of my life. I just dropped your mom off at home. You nervous?
  • Kensi: I cut her out of my life, and I never gave her a chance to explain herself. I don't know how I will apologize for that.
  • Deeks: I don't think she wants an apology. I just think she wants her daughter back. Night, partner.

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