Quotes

To write these I use subtitles found here to help me ;)

Episode 1.19 Hand-to-Hand:

  • Kensi: I e-mailed him some photos. Private photos.
  • Deeks: You mean, like the two of you watching the sunset at Santa Monica pier, or the kind where you're not wearing anything but a smile?
  • Kensi: Certain kind of person finds private photos like that, they end up on the Internet.
  • Deeks: Wow. So, definitely, uh, x-rated then, huh?
  • Deeks: And you... Well, at first, I wasn't too sure about you, but that, uh... That Internet photo thing really sold me. So, riddle me this... did you pre-plan that, or maybe... maybe that happened in real life.
  • Kensi: Crashing in his spare bedroom? Is that the best you can do?' (Takes a deep breath) You are lucky I didn't shoot you.
  • Deeks: I was vamping.
  • Kensi: Thanks, Deeks, for everything.
  • Deeks: What, no hug?

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Episode 1.20 Fame:

  • Kensi: (Talking about Deeks with Callen) I feel like a mom dropping off her kid, first day of school.
  • Kensi: You vacation with these people?
  • Deeks: No, I just I remember things.
  • Deeks: (Talking about entering a club for an undercover mission) Maybe Kensi gets in 'cause she's hot. I'm just saying... don't make it weird.
  • Kensi: Been here before?
  • Deeks: Undercover.
  • Kensi: Hers?
  • Deeks: Wow. God, you're like a bull instead of a tiger. You just charge on in there.
  • Deeks: I'm gonna call you Fern, okay?
  • Kensi: Don't you dare call me Fern.
  • Deeks: Fern, baby girl. Ooh, it's been a long time.
  • Kensi: I'm not interested.
  • Deeks: No. Come on. Come on. Trust me. I got it all. I got shabu, I got all the coke you can sink your pretty little face in.
  • Kensi: I said no!
  • Deeks: Gulls are coming in. That means there's gonna be wicked swell on the bay by the morning.
  • Kensi: You're a surfer, huh?
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Kensi: Well, surf early. I'm sure Hetty told you we start at 9:30. Though... after your liaising today, I'm not sure why we'd have you back.
  • Deeks: Yeah, I'm not coming in tomorrow. LAPD-op I been trying to set up for months. All the pieces finally came together about an hour ago. Going undercover tonight.
  • Kensi: For how long?
  • Deeks: I don't know, cover's pretty deep. Don't worry, Fern. I'll be back.

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Episode 2.01 Human Traffic:

  • Deeks: Told you I'd be back.
  • Kensi: Oh, shut up.

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Episode 2.02 Black Widow:

  • Deeks: All right, you ready for this? Here it comes.
  • Kensi: Oh, uh, uh, Matisse?
  • Deeks: Nope. Munch.
  • Kensi: Um... Van Gogh?
  • Deeks: No. Cezanne. Wow. You really do suck at this.
  • Kensi: So you wouldn't buy it.
  • Deeks: Absolutely not. (Pause) I mean, I don't know if I would. I mean, it depends. I guess it depends kind of the price. I mean, yeah, no... I definitely would, I definitely, I would.
  • Callen: You hazing the new guy or is he hazing you?
  • Deeks: Haze me, Kensi, please?
  • Kensi: Seurat.
  • Sam: Monet.
  • Deeks: Oh, bing-bing-bing! Sam proceeds to the bonus round. And Kensi wins the consolation prize otherwise known as a steaming bucket of fail.
  • Kensi: What do you know about alarms?
  • Deeks: Enough. I did two years LAPD Robbery Division.
  • Kensi: Oh. I did an urban counter surveillance course at Quantico. Graduated top of my class.
  • Deeks: I guess there's book smart and then there's street smart.
  • Kensi: I'll run point. (Pause) I wasn't bragging.
  • Deeks: Of course not. You were just one-upping me.
  • Kensi: I'm not a one-upper.
  • Deeks: Not normally. Somehow just with me. But have fun running point.
  • Kensi: Great. Have fun watching.
  • Deeks: See? One-upping.

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Episode 2.03 Borderline:

  • Kensi: (Arriving at a stop in her car) Deeks! What are you doing?
  • Deeks: (Dressed as a homeless guy, with a sign 'God bless you', when he sees Kensi, he turns the sign that now reads 'Morning Kensi') Coming off a little LAPD undercover field trip. How about a ride?
  • Kensi: (Smelling him) My God. Is that you?
  • Deeks: Whah? I'm method when I go under.
  • Kensi: That's disgusting. That's really disgusting.
  • Deeks: Listen, you can't be a convincing homeless person if you smell like you just stepped out of a spa, all right? So I never wash these clothes. I just keep 'em in my fridge so they keep their authenticity.
  • Kensi: That's great. I wouldn't let you ride in my trunk smelling like that.
  • Deeks: Come on! Come on!
  • Kensi: Bye Deeks
  • Deeks: Kensi! Thanks, partner.
  • (Deeks enters OPS-center after a shower)
  • Deeks: I think there's something wrong with your hot water heater.
  • Hetty: The showers are on timers, Mr. Deeks. You obviously exceeded the recommended duration.
  • Kensi: You might want to make an exception in his case. Really needs it.
  • Deeks: For your information, I won the hygiene award in High School.
  • Kensi: (Grabbing Deeks by the arm) And we're good. We will call you guys if we find anything.
  • Deeks: I was just gonna... 'cause I'm...
  • Kensi: No, you are done.
  • Deeks: ...Norwegian-American.
  • Kensi: Did I just get blown off?
  • Deeks: Like Ronald McDonald at a PETA convention. How certain are you about your tracks?
  • Kensi: I'd bet your life on it.
  • Deeks: Awesome.
  • Kensi: You ready to go for a little ride? (Deeks smiles) On the bikes. Deeks, on the bikes.
  • Deeks: I didn't say anything.
  • Deeks: (Stopping the bikes) Why are we stopping?
  • Kensi: Ah, I lost the trail.
  • Deeks: We're lost?
  • Kensi: Relax, Nancy.
  • Deeks: You know what? I'm surprised you got us this far and I just want to say nice job, but if we head back now, we can beat traffic. What...? Listen, we got to face the facts here. We only have so much gas and water, and let's not forget this is the frigging desert.
  • Kensi: Hey Deeks? We're not in the middle of the Sahara, and even if we were, my dad taught me how to survive pretty much anywhere, including the desert.
  • Deeks: Nice work, Tonto. Your dad teach you how to track, too?
  • Kensi: Track, shoot, fix an engine, play poker, wire a house, basically anything you'd teach a son, only he didn't have a son, just me.
  • Deeks: I got to pee.
  • Kensi: Again?
  • Deeks: I hydrated for the desert, all right?. All this bouncing around is hard on my kidneys.
  • Kensi: Hurry up, okay?
  • Deeks: Don't peek.
  • Kensi: No
  • Deeks: Ohh!' (Deeks yells and shoots twice)
  • Kensi: Deeks! (Runs to him)
  • Deeks: It's okay. It was just a rattlesnake. He was getting ready to pounce.
  • Kensi: Snakes don't pounce, they strike.
  • Deeks: Huh-huh. This one looked like a pouncer. Listen, I'm sorry about that, but when I was a little kid, my friend Darrel's boa constrictor tried to strangle me to death at his eighth-grade birthday party.
  • Kensi: Darrel's or the snake's?
  • Deeks: You see... you think it's funny, but it's not, all right? Paramedics had to use the jaws of life to set me free. Made the front page of the Encino Times. My mom still has a copy laminated on the front of her fridge.
  • Kensi: Deeks?
  • Deeks: Yeah?
  • Kensi: Your fly's open.
  • Deeks: Son of a...
  • Kensi: Where are they going?
  • Deeks: I don't know, but I hope to hell it's got air-conditioning. (Drinks water) I can't believe people do this for fun.
  • Kensi: You look rugged, Deeks. Wouldn't make you for a four-star hotel camper.
  • Deeks: My idea of roughing it is being at a pool without a cabana. Why, you think I look rugged?
  • Kensi: Yeah. Like Malibu Ken. He's not anatomically correct, either. (Rides away)
  • Deeks: Jeez. (Puts helmet on) Awesome.
  • Deeks: (After shooting the bad guy who was going to shoot Kensi and running to her taking cover) Did you miss me?
  • Kensi: Where have you been?
  • Deeks: They killed my bike.
  • Deeks: (While pinned down by bad guys) Any idea on how to get us out of here, Tonto?
  • Kensi: I'm thinking, I'm thinkin.
  • Kensi: That SUV might be our only chance.
  • Deeks: What if there's no keys in it??
  • Kensi: We hotwire it. (Deeks makes a 'How the hell we hotwire a car' face) Oh come on, please don't tell me you can't hotwire a car.
  • Deeks: I'm a cop, we stop people from doing that. What? I'm sorry if my father didn't spend the weekends teaching me how to be Jason Bourne.

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Episode 2.04 Special Delivery:

  • Deeks: The, uh, throat cut and hand amputation were made by a... and I quote here: "a very sharp blade between seven and twelve inches in length."
  • Kensi: Well, that would describe any number of KA-BAR combat knives.
  • Deeks: That could describe any number of all kinds of knives, including the ones they use at the sushi restaurant at the mall.
  • Kensi: You're suggesting a sushi chef would have murdered Corporal Porter?
  • Deeks: Omakase can be tricky, Kensi. You know, because if you...
  • Kensi: Yeah, I got it, okay?
  • Deeks: I don't think you do.
  • Kensi: Thank you.
  • Deeks: No, I mean, I'm just, to clarify...
  • Kensi: I get it.
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm. It means chef's choice...
  • Kensi: We're good.
  • Deeks: An engagement ring from Tiffany's?
  • Kensi: You have no idea what that little blue box means to a girl.
  • Deeks: Oh, but I do. (Kensi rolls her eyes)
  • Deeks: Does Hetty cook?
  • Kensi: If she does, it's with a pot from Singapore, a spoon given to her by a shaman, and a cookbook written in Swahili.
  • Deeks: I'm more of a frozen pizza pocket guy myself.
  • Kensi: Well, the ladies must love that.
  • Deeks: It's all about the wine pairing.
  • Kensi: Deeks, I see a Crock-Pot in your future.
  • Deeks: Huh?
  • Kensi: Deeks.
  • Deeks: Right. Crock-Pot.
  • Deeks: We are looking for an engagement ring.
  • Jeweler: Of course.
  • Kensi: A big one.
  • Deeks: She told me that size doesn't matter.
  • Kensi: Oh, my God. Look at that one.
  • Deeks: Oh, it's so beautiful, my sweet. (Deeks puts his hand on Kensi's waist and Kensi crushes his foot with her stiletto.)
  • Kensi: (Coming from the jewelry shop) What were you doing in there?
  • Deeks: Just trying to make it look convincing.
  • Kensi: You suck at being convincing, Deeks. Who the hell says "my sweet"?
  • Deeks: It's a term of endearment.
  • Kensi: Like, in 1945. (On the phone with Callen) Callen, we need to watch this guy. He's definitely sketchy.
  • Callen: We're talking about Anshiri, right?
  • Deeks: Princess? Princess...
  • Deeks: Anshiri's a mean decorator. I mean, he's got some cool stuff.
  • Kensi: Yeah. If you like living in a museum.
  • Deeks: Looking for a knife, right? (Looking at a knife) It's decorative. You'd have a tough time slicing bread.
  • (Deeks beats a pensil on the table, Kensi is annoyed by it.)
  • Kensi: Would you mind being quiet? I am trying to concentrate.
  • Deeks: Are you mad at me?
  • Kensi: Dogs go mad. People... people get angry.
  • Deeks: Is this about the jewelry store? Listen, I was just trying to sell the fact that we were a couple.
  • Kensi: Yeah, whatever. Like anybody would believe that we're a couple.
  • Deeks: You're right. You are so not my type.
  • Kensi: (Looking at him quite offended) Would you care to explain...
  • Deeks: Found something.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.05 Little Angels:

  • Kensi: Well, I have chaetophobia.
  • Nell: Fear of hair?
  • Kensi: Impressive. Gold star for the new girl.
  • Deeks: I didn't see that in your "Romancing the One" profile.
  • Kensi: How did you know that I...
  • Deeks: I do now.
  • Kensi: Well, you'll never find it. It's an alias.
  • Deeks: Starting off the relationship with a lie? How's that ever going to lead to true love?
  • Sam: Are you afraid of all hair?
  • Kensi: Back hair. Shaggy back hair. (Very unconfortable) On men specifically. It's... I shouldn't have brought it up.
  • Deeks: Oh! Charlene St. James? Is that your, uh, porn star cover?
  • Kensi: How did you find that? No, no, no, Deeks. Don't do this.
  • Deeks: Dislikes: dentures, hoarders, prison records. Setting the bar pretty high there, huh?
  • Kensi: Deeks!
  • Deeks: ...Likes: martial arts, techno music, and first dates at the zoo.... (After Hetty calls) Let's move it, Charlene.

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Episode 2.06 Standoff:

  • Deeks: So, uh, how far do you think Callen and this Tracy lady took their whole "pretending to be married" thing?
  • Kensi: I don't know, use your imagination. On second thought, don't.
  • Deeks: Mm... too late. Wait, so just out of curiosity... what happened to your last partner?
  • Kensi: He met an unfortunate end.
  • Deeks: Sorry to hear that. (Pause) Go. (They enter the warehouse) How many partners have you had?
  • Kensi: Why?
  • Deeks: You know, just wondering. Just wondering if you're, like, the Elizabeth Taylor of partners.
  • Kensi: Deeks...
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: Focus.
  • Deeks: Well, I'm trying. I just think I have the right to know if you got, like, partner poison or something, right? I mean, do they call you "Kiss of Death Kensi" or "Bad-Luck Blye" or... I don't know... "The Widow Maker"?
  • Kensi: Dead guy, Deeks.
  • Deeks: See, that's-that's not funny.
  • Kensi: Not you, you idiot.
  • Deeks: Oh. Hey. Yeah, dead guy. Well-dressed dead guy. Reminds me more of the guy that denied me a jet-ski loan than a white supremacist.
  • Kensi: That's because he's not. He's FBI.
  • Deeks: Hence the ten-year rule.
  • Kensi: Hmm?
  • Deeks: You should always know your partner for at least ten years prior to marrying them. You date me for a decade, you deserve my hand in marriage.
  • Kensi: That sounds so much more like a punishment than a reward.
  • (On the beach undercover playing a couple sunbathing)
  • Deeks: Getting pretty sunny out here. You want me to, uh...?
  • Kensi: You can't put any sunscreen on me.
  • Deeks: How did you...?

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Episode 2.07 Anonymous:

  • Deeks: I wonder how many tummies you have to tuck to afford a place like this.
  • Kensi: Alarm is on.
  • Deeks: I'll call Eric, have him do his thing.
  • Kensi: I think I got it.
  • Deeks: Have you done this before?
  • Kensi: Watch and learn. Hold that for me, please. (Deeks fakes an electroduction) Oh, my God! Deeks!
  • Deeks: It's not so funny when someone gets shocked, is it?
  • Kensi: That was not very nice.
  • Deeks: Are you pouting? Do you have any idea what you're doing?
  • Kensi: We're in.
  • Deeks: Wow. How very Lady MacGyver of you.
  • Kensi: I hot-wired a Cessna once.
  • Deeks: Why? Seriously? Why would you need to hotwire an airplane?
  • Kensi: (Picking the lock of the entrance door) Got it.
  • Deeks: Ah, nice.
  • Kensi: Oh, wow.
  • Deeks: Expensive taste.
  • Kensi: I'm guessing Jillian didn't come home last night. Nothing seems disturbed.
  • Deeks: No kids in the picture. Man, that's the way to do it, huh? No nannies, no tuition, no braces... Just a whole lot of disposable income.
  • Kensi: Jillian left her e-mail account up. No messages sent since last night... Nothing unusual in her inbox.
  • Deeks: No calls on her cell phone since the shooting, according to Eric.
  • Kensi: She met her friend, Barnes...
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm.
  • Kensi: He gets killed, she gets shot at.
  • Deeks: Killer takes off with the incriminating envelope.
  • Kensi: That's a rough morning.
  • Deeks: Yes, it is.
  • Kensi: What do you do after that?
  • Deeks: Guilty or not, she's in the wind. Oh, there it is! L.A. diet. Energy drinks, collagen, and Juvaderm. Wow. It looks like they're affiliated with the Malibu Medi-Spa.
  • Kensi: What's that?
  • Deeks: The most exclusive inpatient post-op surgery center where privacy and discretion are of the utmost importance. Or so it says.
  • Kensi: Right.
  • Deeks: They've even got an anti-paparazzi helicopter tent.
  • Kensi: Really?
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Kensi: That's a good place to hide out.
  • (Undercover at the spa)
  • Deeks: Wow.
  • Kensi: Thank you. I'm your manager. You were in a boy band. You need some work done before making your big comeback.
  • Deeks: Okay, I was the magician's assistant last time, so, no. Why don't we just show our badges and search the place?
  • Kensi: Are you kidding? Jillian is a flight risk. We can't take any chances. She's probably got friends in there, hiding her out.
  • Woman: Can I help you?
  • Kensi: Yes, hi, I'm Kenley Banks, and this here..
  • Deeks: Her manager. I am her manager. I am Danny Collins. And this is my client, Kenley. Or, as I like to call her, Kiki. You may recognize her from the girl band The Panther Girls, otherwise known in Colombia as Las Chicas Panteras. They're huge down there. Big audience. And we hear that you're the very best. Also private, and we don't need anybody, you know, Tweeting about her upgrades.
  • Woman: Oh, absolutely not.
  • Deeks: We're gonna need the works, though, I think, yeah? Probably a booty lift, a tummy tuck, micro-lipo to the hips-o. Basically, we're going to need a overhaul to the whole... undercarriage, here.
  • Woman: Of course.
  • Deeks: And then we'll deal with the head, and we'll do the nose. Again. Hopefully they'll get it... they'll get it right this time. And then these little guys. Those little guys right there. (Faking a phone call with his fingers) What? What's that? Huh? Oh, it's Dumbo, and he's calling because he can't fly without his ears, so he wants them back.
  • Woman: Let me see what I can do about a tour.
  • Deeks: Okay. Great. Thank you.
  • Kensi: "Micro-lipo on the hips-o"?
  • Deeks: I was just being creative, you know. I didn't even say anything about your...
  • Kensi: Don't.
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: Stop it.
  • Deeks: I didn't say anything.
  • Kensi: Just stop it.
  • Deeks: That's my point, I didn't say any...
  • Kensi: Don't! Don't even...' (Punching him)
  • Deeks: Ah!
  • Woman: This is Lisa. She's going to be showing you around.
  • Deeks and Kensi: (both together) Hi, Lisa.
  • (Always at the spa)
  • Deeks: Kiki here loves liquid diet, don't you?' (Kensi punches him, again) Ow.
  • Lisa: Over here we have our mineral baths. We import all of our water from the French Alps.
  • Kensi: Uh, hey. So what's over there?
  • Lisa: Oh, that's our private wing. Only VIP patients and doctors allowed.
  • Deeks: Oh, hey, listen, I should probably take this. This is her publicist. And she goes positively bananas when I screen her calls.
  • Lisa: We don't allow cell phones in this area.
  • Deeks: That's okay, you can... I'll catch up, Kiki. You just go on ahead without me.
  • Kensi: Yeah, go, yeah.
  • Deeks: And I'll go grab this. Hey, babe! Listen, so, uh...
  • (Deeks goes to the VIP area and gets pepper sprayed by the women, then he's escorted out by security and Kensi comes running)
  • Deeks: Kensi?
  • Kensi: What... ?
  • Deeks: Kensi?
  • (Kensi and Deeks arrive at the ops-center)
  • Deeks: I got it.
  • Callen: What happened to you?
  • Deeks: I got peppered.
  • Sam: Peppered? Any luck with Jillian?
  • Kensi: Yeah, yeah. I found her. He lost her.
  • Deeks: Don't want to talk about it.
  • Kensi: He left a trail of angry, violated women in Malibu. Gloria Allred might be calling, just so you know.
  • Deeks: Okay, that was a gross exaggeration... peppered.
  • Deeks: Did you find anything?
  • Nell: Yeah. Just got a hit off Jillian's ATM card. She used it at a rest stop off the I-5 South in Irvine. Ooh. Pepper spray.
  • Kensi: He-He doesn't want to talk about it.
  • Deeks: I don't want to talk about it.
  • Kensi: This doesn't make any sense. Why would a successful surgeon get involved with these terrorists?
  • Deeks: Well, you saw their place. Maybe he needs some extra cash-ola for another Picasso.
  • Deeks: Wow. I don't know too many guys that visit a gynecologist.
  • Kensi: The fact that you actually know any scares me.
  • Deeks: Maybe he went with his wife. Maybe Jillian's preggers.
  • Kensi: You really are a detective.
  • Deeks: Okay, now you're just making fun of me.
  • Deeks: Okay, that guy was awesome. What?
  • Kensi: Ginger ale and crackers on the counter, foods you eat when you're nauseated and in your first trimester.
  • Deeks: Or foods you eat if you like ginger ale and crackers, which I do. Oh, my God, what if I'm pregnant?
  • Kensi: (Giving him some pills) Take one of these.
  • Deeks: Prenatal vitamins? I hear they're good for your hair. (Gives back the pills)
  • Kensi: Yeah, you stake out the front of the house, I'll take the back. Heads up. (Launching him the pills again)

Back to list ^

Episode 2.08 Bounty:

  • (At tthe shooting range, shooting at targets)
  • Deeks: All right, kitty cat, behind the back, standing on one leg, double tap center mass. Ooh...! Wow!
  • Kensi: Can I see your gun?
  • Deeks: My gun? What for?
  • Kensi: It's a Beretta 92FS, right? LAPD issue?
  • Deeks: Actually, yeah.
  • Kensi: NCIS agents carry Sigs. I just want to see how yours fires.
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, you want to fire my gun?
  • Kensi: You're acting weird.
  • Deeks: I just don't like people firing my gun.
  • Kensi: Okay. Let me just hold it, then.
  • Deeks: I don't like people holding my gun.
  • Kensi: You can fire mine.
  • Deeks: I don't want to fire your gun, all right? I don't want anything to do with your gun, and it's not personal.
  • Kensi: Feels personal.
  • Deeks: It's just... it's just a guy thing.
  • Kensi: A guy thing?
  • Deeks: A gu... a gun thing. I said it's a gun thing.
  • Kensi: (Showing her shots at him) Funny. You said "a guy thing."
  • Deeks: Oh, buddy. Hell hath no fury like Kensi Marie Blye. The groin? Really? Why does one practice shooting someone in the groin?
  • (Coming from the shooting corner)
  • Deeks: I honestly just don't understand what the big deal is.
  • Kensi: You don't trust me. I'd say that's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you?
  • Deeks: I just have a thing about my gun.
  • Kensi: At this point in our relationship, after all the stuff that we've done... (He makes a confuse look) What?
  • Deeks: I'm sorry. Did you just say "relationship"?
  • Kensi: No, I said "partnership," okay? You're very annoying.
  • Deeks: Maybe I just need a little bit of space.
  • Kensi: You're on my desk.
  • Deeks: Shh
  • Kensi: Hey. See the guy in the suit? Tailored one that costs more than we make in a year?
  • Deeks: Yep. (Kensi photographes the man) He's going. (They run after the him) Go, go, go.
  • Kensi: Hey. Hey! Take the car, cut him off. (she launches the car keys to Deeks)
  • Deeks: Gyah! What, so now I'm your sidekick?!
  • (Kensi follows the man and fights with him, she's up agains a gate when Deeks arrives)
  • Deeks: Hold it!' (Kensi now free punches the man) Is this how Sam and Callen do it?
  • Kensi: One of them would crack a funny one-liner right about now. Get up!
  • Deeks: I'm waiting.
  • Kensi: Thank you, Deeks.
  • Kensi: What?
  • Deeks: You just slipped James Bond your number there?
  • Kensi: For case purposes only.
  • Kensi: What is that on your fingers?
  • Deeks: That's nothing. I carry a Beretta 92FS because the manual safety saved my ass one time during a gun snatch attempt by a junkie. And if the magazine ever jams, I can just pop a bullet straight into the chamber. Take a look.
  • Kensi: Maybe some other time.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.09 Absolution:

  • (In a park after Deeks' yoga lesson)
  • Deeks: Morning, Sunshine.
  • Kensi: You lied to me.
  • Deeks: Not so much as a "hello"? I even called you "sunshine."
  • Kensi: You said you needed a ride.
  • Deeks: I do.
  • Kensi: Deeks, I'm your partner, not your chauffeur. I thought you were having car trouble.
  • Deeks: Nope.
  • Kensi: What are you doing?
  • Deeks: Hmm?
  • Kensi: Please tell me you didn't...
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: Oh, my God. You're using me as bait?
  • Deeks: No, no, no. Not bait. As a wingman. This is what partners do.
  • Kensi: Do you know how utterly unprofessional this is?
  • Deeks: You should tell me.
  • Kensi: I don't... What?
  • Deeks: Don't stop. Keep telling me. Get mad. Act like we're breaking up. Get angry. Ready? Go.
  • Kensi: Are you for real?
  • Deeks: Partner? (Kensi sighs) Oh, come on! Sunshine! Wait!
  • Kensi: Stay away from me. It's over! I can't do this anymore!
  • Deeks: Listen, I-I'm sorry. All right? I know that it's tough when I'm on the road all the time, touring... with the band.
  • Kensi: I don't care about that! You-You cheated on me... With my brother!
  • Deeks: (Kensi does a 'happy dance') That's just mean.
  • Callen: Problem?
  • Deeks: No. We're cool.
  • Kensi: Yeah. You're so the opposite of cool.
  • Deeks: So, that's hot? So, you think I'm hot. That's cool.
  • Kensi: This place looks more like a museum than a house. How can you even relax in a place like this?
  • Deeks: You don't like antiques?
  • Kensi: Antique is just a fancy word for secondhand goods. Why on earth would I want something that somebody else had?
  • Deeks: We're not talking about a toothbrush. I mean, look around. You don't find craftsmanship like this anymore. Some of this stuff is probably worth a fortune.
  • Kensi: Reason number two. Why would I want a coffee table I can't put my boots on, or have to worry about my beer leaving a ring?
  • Deeks: You are a classy chick.
  • Kensi: I'm not classy.
  • Deeks: You're more sassy than classy.
  • Kensi: Oh, and those yoga bunnies you were perving on before... they're classy? It's really hard when I'm on the road all the time touring... with the band.
  • Deeks: Like I said, classy. Whoa. Check this out. It's an application for a clinical trial at UCLA Johnson's Comprehensive Cancer Center.
  • Kensi: Renner had cancer?
  • Deeks: I don't know. If he did, it wasn't good. This trial involves placing experimental chemotherapy wafers into the brain after the removal of a metastatic tumor.
  • Kensi: Brain cancer.
  • Deeks: Might explain why the Germans came after Renner now. If they learned that he was dying, maybe they were afraid that he was going to unload the book.
  • Kensi: Well, selling it would provide his companion Sander Lee with a pretty nice nest egg.
  • Deeks: Well, he's already got a nice little nest egg here. Maybe Renner was planning on getting rid of it so that no one would come after Sander Lee looking for it.
  • Kensi: Well, if so, he waited too long. (They hear some noises
  • Deeks: I thought Hetty said the dogs were gone.
  • Kensi: Dogs don't wear shoes.
  • Deeks: Well, that's not necessarily true. You ever seen those little dog booties?
  • Kensi: Shh. Shh.
  • Deeks: Get little bells on 'em.
  • Man: Federal agents! Don't move!
  • Deeks: LAPD!
  • Man: NSA!
  • Kensi: NCIS!
  • Deeks: M-O-U-S-E.
  • Man: What are you doing here?
  • Kensi: This is our case.
  • Man: Sebastian Renner was a foreign national with information considered a threat to the United States of America.
  • Kensi: Still our case.
  • Man: We don't have to be adversaries. After all, we are on the same side. Perhaps we could work together. Have you found anything that might be... (Kensi beats the crap out of the man)
  • Deeks: Whoa! (beats the other man) What are you doing? You heard the guy. We're on the same side.
  • Kensi: I'm pretty sure he's not NSA.
  • Deeks: Pretty sure? 'Cause you teed off on him like you were kicking a field goal.
  • Kensi: Deeks, I got a hunch they're foreign operatives, okay?
  • Deeks: A hunch? You don't kick a guy in his junk on a hunch. Geez. Sometimes I don't even know you. Who does that?
  • (Talking with Callen and Sam about Kensi's previous performance)
  • Deeks: Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomachache.
  • Kensi: So what? It would have been better if I'd pistol-whipped him across the face?
  • Callen, Sam and Deeks: Yes!
  • Kensi: What is with you guys and-and your... Really, it's not... It's not all that, trust me.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.10 Deliverance:

  • (Deeks has a police dog with him)
  • Deeks: Do you look like me? Yeah, you do, 'cause I'm your daddy, aren't I?
  • Callen: Oh, they are clearly in love.
  • Kensi: Clearly, love is blind.
  • (Entering the clinic)
  • Deeks: Well, this is where it all ends.
  • Kensi: It's not that bad. You can learn a lot from older people. Their wisdom, kindness. (An old man licks his lips salaciously at Kensi) Oh, my God, oh, my God, did he just...?
  • Deeks: Retirement communities have the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases in comparison to any other demographic group.
  • Kensi: Please stop talking.
  • Deeks: Why? Gives you something to look forward to. Why do you think they call it the rocking chair?
  • Kensi: Enough. All the security cameras feed into here.
  • Deeks: Hard drives have all been removed. No home movies for us.
  • Deeks: (After crashing the car that was following them) Oh! That looked painful. (To Kensi) Want to get some ice cream?
  • Kensi: Deeks! Look out!
  • Man: Then get in the car.
  • Deeks: Uh-uh. She's not going anywhere.
  • Man: Then four of us die, and one of us lives.
  • Deeks: He's got a point. All right. Take me.
  • Kensi: Deeks.
  • Deeks: She's just a cop. You know? She's not even an agent. Tell you the truth, no one really even likes her that much. You know, too pretty for her own good. Kind of a snob.
  • Man: Get in the car.
  • Deeks: Kensi, don't move.
  • Kensi: Nice try, Deeks.
  • Deeks: Kensi.
  • Kensi: It's okay. You'll get me back.
  • Deeks: (Entering the room where Kensi is held hostage) Kensi?
  • Kensi: Deeks! Stop! Switch off the lights.
  • Deeks: Okay. Now we know why you didn't move. It's not like a disco ball kind of thing, is it?
  • Kensi: They're triggers. Break the beam, the explosives detonate.
  • Deeks: Okay. Yeah. Bomb squad.
  • Kensi: Deeks, I can't stand here any longer. Please.
  • Deeks: No, no. It's okay. It's okay. We'll, uh... Plan B.
  • Kensi: Okay. What's plan B?
  • Deeks: Hmm? I'm working on it.
  • Kensi: What, plan "B" is to put me out of my misery?
  • Deeks: They're laser triggers. If the collector is receiving light at the right frequency, it's not going to register the beam has been broken.
  • Kensi: Okay. You've seen this being done before, right?
  • Deeks: Yeah... no... I mean, kind of, yeah, well, you know, in a book. It was very helpful. We could call the bomb squad.
  • Kensi: Just...
  • Deeks: Okay.
  • Kensi: This one.
  • Deeks: Ready?
  • (After escaping from the triggered and exploded room)
  • Deeks: You okay?
  • Kensi: Uh-huh. I got to pee.
  • Deeks: I think I just did.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.11 Disorder:

  • (Taking Callen's gift)
  • Deeks: I'll take it.
  • Kensi: What? N-n-no. Excuse me, Mister. I did not give that to you. Hand it over.
  • Deeks: N-no. You gave it to Hetty, who gave it to Callen, who is right now realizing he has absolutely no use for a jasmine-scented candle.
  • Deeks: (Opening his gift) Oh, are you kidding me? That's what I'm talking about. That is awesome. Scarf. You know what this is? Favorite color.
  • Kensi: What? I gave that to Hetty a year ago.
  • Deeks: Evidently, she thought it would look better on me.
  • Kensi: That's not the point.
  • Deeks: You didn't have to.
  • Kensi: I didn't.
  • Deeks: Kay, I'm just wondering why I'm the guy with duct tape on my forehead.
  • Kensi: Because it looks good on you.
  • Deeks: So, uh, you visiting family in Seattle, huh?
  • Kensi: Yep.
  • Deeks: That's interesting, 'cause you never mentioned them before.
  • Kensi: You never asked.
  • Deeks: What part of Seattle?
  • Kensi: The west.
  • Deeks: That is a direction on a compass, not a town or a suburb.
  • Kensi: You wouldn't know it.
  • Deeks: Yeah, right. My knowledge of imaginary cities with imaginary family is in fact lacking, so, hey... What are you really doing for Christmas?
  • Kensi: It's nice. Classy.
  • Deeks: You would know.
  • Lance: So what do we do now?
  • Kensi: Well, uh, we do what most families do on Christmas Eve.
  • Deeks: Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in the toaster?
  • Kensi: How about eat and watch TV?
  • Deeks: That's a great idea. The game just started.
  • Kensi: I was thinking more along the lines of Miracle on 34th Street.
  • Deeks: Really?
  • Lance: Actually, I wouldn't mind watching that.
  • Deeks: Really?
  • Kensi: Why don't you go get the food, Deeks?
  • Deeks: Yeah. Why don't I go get the food? 'Cause that's what Deeks does is get... Turkey sandwiches okay for everybody?
  • Kensi: Well, the tradition in my house was ice cream and beer.
  • Deeks: Really?
  • Kensi: Don't knock it till you've tried it.
  • Deeks: Oh, I've tried it, although it was in seventh grade and it didn't end pretty for anyone. Unless, of course, you like Jackson Pollock.
  • Kensi: I had a dream I was, um... being visited by the Three Wise Men. And then... I saw Deeks.
  • ...
  • Deeks: Are you okay?
  • Deeks: Kensi? Kensi!
  • Kensi: We're good to go
  • Deeks: I'm driving.
  • Kensi: Fine. Scratch my car, I'll Ben-Gay your shorts.
  • Deeks: So, it doesn't look like you're going to make it to Seattle.
  • Kensi: No, Deeks, I'm not going to Seattle.
  • Deeks: Since this Christmas Eve has been so warm and fuzzy, I say, we keep this party going.
  • Kensi: I thought you had a date.
  • Deeks: I do.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.12 Overwatch:

  • Deeks: Copies of what?
  • Kensi: Whoo-whoo! What are you drinking?
  • Deeks: Coffee by the half gallon. I'm literally mainlining caffeine, 'cause it's much more 'effish'. (Takes a gulp) Yeah, that's an efficient way of saying "efficient".
  • Kensi: So is this why I have to pull over every 20 minutes for you to pee?
  • Kensi: They waited for the guard to make his rounds, jimmied the door down the hall, came right in, walked out the same way.
  • Deeks: Okay, so that is there. We also have him on camera here, here and here. It's a closed circuit DVR deck, but it's low resolution. They're wearing caps, and they are turned away from the camera. Wow. Bad guys, one; cops, zero. Downloading. (Looks around) Funny, isn't it? A thousand ways to die.
  • Kensi: Only two ways to go, though: cremated or buried.
  • Deeks: Not me. I don't want to be buried, and I certainly don't want to be burned.
  • Kensi: Oh, you will have to choose: casket or urn?
  • Deeks: No. I'm going for cryogenic suspension.
  • Kensi: Ah.
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm. Frozen in a suspended state of animation, and then thawed out when they have the medical technology to bring me back.
  • Kensi: Can we keep you in the office? Ooh, with a little viewing window, like an aquarium. That'd be so cool.
  • Deeks: You mock me now. 20 years from now, I'm going to come back. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna marry your daughter.
  • Kensi: Oh!
  • Deeks: Oh! That is awkward.
  • Kensi: That is creepy!
  • Deeks: You know what I would love, though, is for you to be my mother-in-law. Think about that. "Oh, Mrs. Blye, it's so good to see you. What a wonderful one-piece jumpsuit you're wearing."
  • Kensi: Just stop it. You're giving me nightmares.
  • Deeks: It's just me helping you with your walker to the early-bird special.
  • Kensi: Shut up.
  • (Meeting with Sam and Callen, just after the above scene)
  • Deeks: Hi.
  • Sam: Anything on the vic?
  • Kensi: Ask Eddie Haskell.
  • Deeks: Okay. I, uh, talked to LAPD, and they're more than happy to hand the case over. The report says it's a home invasion gone bad. Yusef Afzal was killed by blunt-force trauma to the head. He was hit, he fell, and then died.
  • Kensi: And then half-autopsied.
  • Sam: Then stolen.
  • Callen: It's a bad day... even for a dead guy.
  • Sam: Eric found the van.
  • Callen: Kensi, take Beaver, here, and check it out, will you?
  • Deeks: Beaver? Really? Okay. No, that's fine. But if we're going to do a nickname, maybe we should do something cool, right? Like Diesel? Or, uh, or-or D-Rock? Or D-Unit? Just think about it!
  • Sam: He's De-caf.
  • Deeks: That's not much of a plan. Steal a body, steal a van, drive four blocks, abandon the van... and this is completely nonsensical.
  • Kensi: Seems to have worked for them. Looks like one of your parking jobs, Deeks.
  • Deeks: That's one of the reasons I became a cop. You can literally park anywhere you want.
  • Kensi: Seriously... why did you become a cop?
  • Deeks: You mean, like, honestly?
  • Kensi: No. Lie to me.
  • Deeks: I wanted to protect people... you know? I wanted to do something that really made a difference in people's lives.
  • Kensi: That's really nice, Deeks.
  • Deeks: That, and I know how much girls love a guy in uniforms.
  • Kensi: Overrated.
  • Deeks: Really?! Overrated? The whole uniform thing? You don't like that shiny badge? Those tight polyester pants?
  • Kensi: Door, Deeks.
  • Deeks: One, two, three.
  • Kensi: Bomb! (Bomb goes off)
  • Deeks: Maybe they did have a plan.
  • Larissa: Does your partner hide anything from you?
  • Deeks: Matter of fact, she does, yeah. She got a junk food jones she doesn't think I know about... but I find the Twinkie wrappers stuffed between the car seats.
  • Kensi: That was one time on a stakeout.
  • Deeks: If that was one time, there's like 12 in a box...
  • Deeks: Well, if he went into the NICU, he can't be all bad.
  • Kensi: So you believe her?
  • Deeks: I really wish somebody was lying. Come on. I'll go buy you a Ding Dong.
  • Kensi: Yummy.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.13 Archangel:

  • (In Kensi's car at a stake-out)
  • Deeks: This is awesome. (Looks around the car)
  • Kensi: What are you looking for?
  • Deeks: I'm looking for something to eat.
  • Kensi: Well, that's a glove compartment, not a refrigerator.
  • Deeks: Yeah, like you don't stash your Ho Hos in here? All right, come on, lady. Don't hold out on me, 'cause I am starving.
  • Kensi: I don't have anything.
  • Deeks: Yes, you do.
  • Kensi: I don't have anything.
  • Deeks: How come I smell... (Sniffs - more sniffing - closing onto her - long sniff) Peanut Butter Cups.
  • Kensi: WHAT?
  • Deeks: Yeah. Peanut butter, chocolate-- I smell it. Where is it?
  • Kensi: No. No. You know why you smell them? Because...
  • Deeks: Because...
  • Kensi: I left one on the seat, and it... melted. Many, many, many months ago.
  • Deeks: Hmm. So why do we smell it now? Hmm?
  • Deeks: Oh, buddy. That badge better be real, or my partner is going to kick you in the FB-Eye balls.
  • Deeks: Like the way you handled that FBI agent.
  • Kensi: Can you believe her attitude?
  • Deeks: Should have thrown down with her.
  • Kensi: Why, so you could watch us cat-fight?
  • Deeks: What? No... Wait. Maybe.
  • Kensi: What about a pillow fight in lingerie?
  • Deeks: See? Now you're just teasing me.
  • Kensi: Someone's inside.
  • Deeks: Driscoll?
  • Kensi: Didn't get a good look.
  • Deeks: I'll cover the back. Take the front. Oh... Kensi?
  • Kensi: Petty Officer Matt Driscoll?
  • Driscoll: Yeah.
  • Kensi: NCIS.
  • Deeks: (Seeing bad guys coming from behind Driscoll) They got weapons! Get down!
  • (They hide behind the house and gunfire starts)
  • Deeks: (Seeing other two men) More company.
  • (Gunfire continues)
  • Deeks: Six is clear.
  • Kensi: Okay.
  • Kensi: Go!
  • (They come out from the hiding space and shoot the first two men)
  • Deeks: You okay?
  • Kensi: Yeah. You?

Back to list ^

Episode 2.14 Lockup:

  • (Kensi arrives at OPS with food, eating and with a sad face, she sits down at her desk, Sam and Deeks are there)
  • Deeks: You want to talk about it?
  • Kensi: No.
  • Deeks: W-We're here to listen.
  • Kensi: No, I'm fine.
  • Sam: Let her eat her feelings in peace.
  • Kensi: All right. I decided to go on a second date with the graphic artist.
  • Sam: Okay, and let me guess, mommy issues? He talk to you in a baby voice?
  • Kensi: No, we had a great night. Even took me to Medieval Times.
  • Deeks: As a joke?
  • Kensi: It was cute. I told him on our first date that I wanted to go there ever since I was a kid.
  • Deeks: And you got a second date?
  • Sam: So where did it go wrong? He challenge you to a joust?
  • Deeks: You do get super grumpy when you lose.
  • Sam: He steal your giant turkey leg?
  • Kensi: You guys are really funny. Forget about it.
  • Sam: Go on, Kensi.
  • Kensi: I realized I forgot my wallet in his car, so I went over this morning and I saw him standing in his driveway, kissing this blonde wench.
  • Deeks: Ooh, language.
  • Kensi: No, no, an actual wench. Our beer wench from Medieval Times.
  • Deeks: That hurts.
  • Kensi: Are you sure this is the right address?
  • Deeks: Well, it's what Eric gave me. Truftin Industries owns this joint. Oh. (Sees pretty ladies pole dancing) Best assignment ever.
  • Woman: Can I help you?
  • Kensi: Hi. Yes.
  • Deeks: Yes.
  • Kensi: Um, I'm Jennifer. And this here is my brother, Edward.
  • Deeks: Edward.
  • Kensi: He's really shy, so he made me come with him, but he is dying to take your pole dancing class. I think he wants to surprise his special friend, Phil, with a birthday lap dance.
  • Deeks: Anything for Phil... lipa. Phillipa. She's English. Yeah. You know those Brits. Good lap dance really helps them come out of their shell.
  • Woman: Not just the Brits.
  • Deeks: (Laughing) Oh. Not just...
  • Woman: Follow me, and I'll give you a tour.
  • Deeks: Absolutely. Did you hear that, Jen? Hmm? Not just the Brits.
  • Kensi: I did. Yeah.
  • Deeks: Yeah, you did.
  • Deeks: Gray. White. Red. Silver. I got si... That's Nevada plates. Damn it. You have anything? (Looks up from his computer and sees Kensi eating a donut) Kensi! Put it down. Put the donut down. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
  • Kensi: I don't know what that means.
  • Deeks: Listen, food is not your friend. We've talked about this. All right? If you want to talk some more about Sir Lancelot, we can do that. I'm here.
  • Kensi: Yeah, I think we were done when you said, "I guess he's not your knight in shining armor."
  • Deeks: You know what? That's it. I'm staging a one-person intervention. Hand over the donut. Hand me the donut. Give it.
  • (Kensi groans, puts the plate down, Deeks takes the donut)
  • Nell: Hey, guys. I got a hit. The van was clocked running a red at Hillhurst and Los Feliz Boulevard in Silver Lake four days ago. Couldn't make out the driver or passenger, though.
  • Kensi: Well, the guys in the van are Abdul's men on the outside. Focus your search in Silver Lake, and find that van, Nell. Okay?
  • Nell: Mm-hmm.
  • (Deeks eats the donut)
  • Kensi: Really?
  • Deeks: What? I'm saving you from yourself.
  • Kensi: Yeah?
  • Deeks: That's what real friends do. Where you going? (Kensi takes a donut) Kensi? (and she eats it) That's not going to make you happier.
  • Kensi: Eric, I need a license check. 9-Quebec-49905.
  • Deeks: This place looks deserted.
  • Eric: Registered to Mark James Walker. Kensi, he's employed as a prison guard at Oakville.
  • Kensi: Okay. Thank you. Pickup's owned by a prison guard at Oakville.
  • Deeks: Bingo.
  • (They go down from the car and look inside the werahouse)
  • Kensi: I count two. And that's our missing rental van. That's the bomb.
  • (They enter)
  • Deeks: Clear. Federal agents.
  • (Rapid gunfire)
  • Deeks: Really? A machine gun? Isn't that a little bit excessive?
  • (More gunfire)
  • Kensi: He doesn't know how to use it.
  • Deeks: Yeah, he seems to be using it pretty well to me.
  • Kensi: He's blowing his entire magazine. He's going to have to reload every time. It'll take him at least five seconds. Antagonize him. Get him to fire again.
  • Deeks: What? Antagonize him? What do you want me to do? You want me to call him names?
  • Kensi: Get him to shoot at you.
  • Deeks: (He sighs) You got to be kidding me. Okay. Um... Hey, uh... hey, man, you suck! And you look fat in those jeans!
  • Kensi: Stick your head up.
  • Deeks: You want me to stick my head up? Look, I know we've had our differences, and I'm sorry that I stole that donut from you...
  • Kensi: Just do it, Deeks. Come on.
  • Deeks: Oh, God.
  • Kensi: Come on. Be courageous.
  • Deeks: (He takes quick deep breaths) One, two, three. Hey, listen! Are you...
  • Kensi: Cover me! (She runs up crates and the van)
  • Deeks: Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
  • Kensi: Drop it! (Shooting the man) Clear.
  • Deeks: Okay, clear. But just for the record, that was insane. (whistles) Locked and loaded.
  • Kensi: I don't think this was a terrorist attack.
  • Deeks: What else does one use a bomb like this for?
  • Kensi: Apparently, a prison break.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.15 Tin Soldiers:

  • (Deeks and Kensi are in the firing room, shooting)
  • Deeks: I even called her to apologize, all right? Twice.
  • (Kensi shots her gun)
  • Kensi: Too little, too late. You lied to her.
  • Deeks: Uh, no. No, I did not.
  • Kensi: Excuse me? Lies of omission are still lies.
  • (Deeks shots his gun)
  • Deeks: I didn't tell her, because I didn't think it was going to be a big deal.
  • Kensi: You went out with one of her girlfriends.
  • (Kensi shots her gun)
  • Deeks: For drinks, all right? And it was her friend's idea. I... I was just being polite.
  • Kensi: So you wouldn't have slept with her friend if she'd offered?
  • Deeks: No. (Kensi glares at him) Okay, maybe. But just to be polite, you know, 'cause... I'm a hopeless romantic.
  • Kensi: To me, you're just hopeless.
  • (More shooting, they saw Sam dressed like highway patrol officer)
  • Deeks: Uh, what? No way. No... way. Are you kidding me? (chuckles, they go out of the firing room) Hey, buddy. Are you working undercover as highway patrol?
  • Sam: Supposed to be. With Callen.
  • Kensi: Where is he?
  • Sam: He's on his way in.
  • Kensi: How are you doing?
  • Sam: I'm doing.
  • Deeks: Dude, I grew up on CHiPs. I mean, I wanted to be Ponch. This right here is half the reason I became a cop.
  • Kensi: You became a cop because of a TV show?
  • Deeks: Not just one TV show. T.J. Hooker. Hello? I mean, seriously, you guys have to let me ride with you on this.
  • Sam: It's a two-man op. Supposed to be. Besides, you don't look like a cop.
  • Deeks: Okay, that's on purpose. All this (indicating his face) is so I can work undercover.
  • Sam: As what? Shaggy from Scooby-Doo?
  • Kensi: (Laughing) Oh, my God. You do look like Shaggy.
  • Deeks: All right.
  • Sam: And this... has been put on hold. Somebody broke into Callen's house last night.
  • Kensi: What?
  • Deeks: They steal anything?
  • Kensi: He's got nothing to steal.
  • (At a nightclub, before KEnsi needs to charm a man for the op)
  • Kensi: What if he's not interested in me?
  • Deeks: Well, then we know he's probably gay.
  • Kensi: Is that some kind of weird compliment, Deeks?
  • Deeks: Yes. No. I don't know. Forget about it. You're like my sister.
  • Kensi: Ohw! Now it's just getting creepy.
  • Deeks: Well, I do like the Appalachians.
  • Deeks: How you doing, partner?
  • Kensi: Much better. Thank you.
  • (They watch Sam and Callen hug eachother)
  • Deeks: You ever think we're gonna be that happy?
  • Kensi: Yeah.
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Kensi: Just not together.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.16 Empty Quiver:

  • (Kensi and Deeks are cleaning weapons, suddenly an alarm blares)
  • Deeks: Is that an actual red alert? I mean, are there battle stations now that need to be manned?
  • Kensi: It's a text message.
  • Deeks: (Chuckling) It's a text message.
  • Kensi: What was that look for?
  • Deeks: You're... you're just, you're very, um...
  • Kensi: Very what?
  • Deeks: You're very tightly wound.
  • Kensi: That's not true.
  • Deeks: It's true, all right? Your personal electronics are filled with intensity.
  • Kensi: Is there something on your mind, Deeks?
  • Deeks: No.
  • Kensi: Is there?
  • Deeks: No.
  • Kensi: Didn't think so.
  • Deeks: You always need to drive. You set your clocks 15 minutes fast. You set my clocks 15 minutes fast. Everything is a competition. You have to have separate checks at Starbucks. You make fun of guys that order nonfat lattes. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is being your partner?
  • Kensi: Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to hear you ramble on about the 2012 apocalypse earlier this morning?
  • Deeks: Not... not the apocalypse, okay? It's the galactic realignment. Geomagnetic reversal. Time wave zero, all right? It's the Niburu collision. You may know it as b'ak'tun 13.
  • Kensi: I think you mean "bake" tun 13.
  • Deeks: "Bake-tun?" Really? "Bake-tun?" Your Mayan accent is terrible. Yeah, that's right, and you know why I know that? Because astronomers were talking about it last night at the bar.
  • Kensi: Astronomers were at the bar that you go to?
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm.
  • Kensi: The one that sells flavored condoms at the vending machine?
  • Deeks: Why is that so hard for you to believe? Okay, yeah, the bartender changed it to the Discovery Channel after the Lakers game, but it felt very real to me.
  • Hetty: Good morning.
  • Kensi: Okay, Hetty, glad you showed up. It's very difficult to take anything that guy says seriously.
  • Deeks: Says the most serious person I've ever met in my entire life.
  • Kensi: Okay, Deeks is a nice guy.
  • Deeks: And Kensi is a nice girl, all right? It's not her.
  • Kensi: It's not him.
  • Deeks: It's... It's us.
  • Hetty: Well, I don't believe it's a problem. I'm hearing two people who are beginning to sound like partners.
  • Nell: Hi. Callen and Sam are waiting for you guys in the ops center.
  • Hetty: And it's pronounced "ba-aak" tun 13.
  • Deeks: Of course it is.
  • (In the ops center)
  • Callen: So nice of you to join us.
  • Kensi: Sorry. Got held up. Deeks thinks the world's going to end in 2012.
  • Sam: Let me guess-- Jenkins' theory on a Sagittarius-A black hole.
  • Deeks: As a matter of fact, yes.
  • Callen: He's mocking you.
  • Deeks: He's not mock...
  • Kensi: Am I really the most serious person you've ever met?
  • Deeks: It's a tie between you and this nun back at school who used to whack my hand with a ruler.
  • Kensi: All right, well, I'll have you know that I can be a very funny individual.
  • Deeks: According to whom?
  • Kensi: People.
  • Deeks: Anyone I know?
  • Kensi: Nell.
  • Deeks: I'm sorry, what?
  • Kensi: Nell thinks I'm hilarious.
  • Deeks: Okay. It's forced entry. One, two, three. (They search the house) Clear.
  • Kensi: Clear.
  • Deeks: This looks like a shootout at the OK Corral. Your instincts telling you anything?
  • Kensi: Multiple shooters. Blood trail. Come here. Come this way. Someone got hit about here. And then they ran... Impossible to say how far they made it. If they made it.
  • Deeks: So was it Grear? Or somebody else?
  • Kensi: So let me get this straight: strip club-- no clothes, no booze. Bikini bar-- clothes, booze.
  • Deeks: Correct.
  • Kensi: And which do you prefer?
  • Deeks: They both possess unique charms.
  • Kensi: No, no, no, the apocalypse is tomorrow. You got one last night.
  • Deeks: That's a dilemma worthy of King Solomon.
  • (Inside the Bikini bar)
  • Deeks: Bikini bar, yeah. Bikini bar's definitely my pre-apocalyptic choice.
  • (He puts his arm around her neck in a hug)
  • Kensi: I don't know whether that makes me respect you more or less.
  • Bartender: First date?
  • Kensi: Oh, hi. Uh, well, a girl can only do dinner and a movie so many times.
  • Bartender: Yeah. She's cute, but her sense of humor needs work.
  • Deeks: You have no idea.
  • Kensi: You bummed you're stuck here with me?
  • Deeks: Nah, it's for the best. I can't go undercover in places like this anymore. All the dancers know and love me.
  • Kensi: Must be your dashing personality.
  • Deeks: It's not my money.
  • Kensi: Right.
  • Deeks: I have mystique. And by "mystique" I don't mean the brunette dancer inside the bar-- real name Kimberly.
  • Kensi: Yay. Congratulations. A go-go dancer told you her real name.
  • Deeks: Patience, Kensi. And by "Patience" I don't mean the redhead that goes on at 10:00 tonight-- real name Jessica.
  • Kensi: Whoa.
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: That might be our guy right there, chatting up the bouncer.
  • (Kensi is sited on the couch eating pasta, Deeks is watching her. Nell arrives)
  • Deeks: Nell, is it true that you described Kensi as "hilarious"?
  • Nell: I'm sorry, what?
  • Kensi: You don't remember that time?
  • Nell: Uh, what time?
  • Kensi: The time that-- Nell, come on, the time...
  • Nell: Oh, right, that time, of course.
  • Kensi: It was funny, it was funny because...
  • (Really forced laughter)
  • Kensi: I just replay it in my head and... (laugh and more laugh) Oh! Great.
  • Deeks: (Sitting down in front of Kensi) In the future I will, uh... I will try to take things more seriously.
  • Kensi: Well, I... I will try and lighten up.
  • Deeks: I'd like that.
  • Kensi: I would like that, too.
  • Deeks: You do me a favor, though?
  • Kensi: Yeah.
  • Deeks: Don't ever laugh like that again. It was terrifying.
  • Kensi: Eh.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.17 Personal:

  • (At the hospital, Deeks' room, finally Deeks awakes)
  • Deeks: Am I dead? 'Cause I feel like I should be dead.
  • Kensi: Hey, there. You're not getting rid of me that easily.
  • Deeks: Do I know you?
  • Kensi: Deeks...
  • Deeks: Not my nurse?
  • Kensi: I'm serious, Deeks.
  • Deeks: My name is "Deeks"? Really? (noticing Kensi's worried face) I'm just kidding. I remember you, Fern.
  • Kensi: Yeah? You're a funny guy. I'm gonna punch you in your bullet hole.
  • Deeks: That sounds vaguely dirty. I think I'm gonna have to tell Hetty. Ah!
  • Nurse Debbie: Hi.
  • Kensi: I'm sorry. Security. Can I see your I.D., please?
  • Nurse Debbie: You're awake.
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Nurse Debbie: How do you feel?
  • Deeks: Better and better.
  • Nurse Debbie: Pain relief button, call button. Okay, Mr. Deeks?
  • Deeks: You can call me Marty.
  • Nurse Debbie: If you need anything, I'm right outside.
  • Deeks: Okay. Thank you, Nurse, uh... Debbie. Nurse Debbie. (To Kensi) What?
  • Kensi: What?
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: What is it with guys and nurses?
  • Deeks: What are you talking about? They're helpful and they're caring and you know, they do the whole sponge bath thing.
  • Kensi: Oh! I should shoot you myself.
  • Deeks: Get in line. You guys catch my shooter yet?
  • Kensi: Working on it.
  • Deeks: And?
  • Kensi: What makes you think there's an and?
  • Deeks: You heightened security, you're checking badges. You're obviously expecting unwanted visitors.
  • Kensi: The guys who shot you this morning? (clears throat) 'Do you recognize them?
  • Deeks: It's hard to remember. I didn't walk in on a robbery, is that what you're telling me?
  • Kensi: You were targeted. (Deeks groans) There's footage of the car on your block this morning.
  • Deeks: Why would somebody target me?
  • Kensi: Hey, I'm sure we all have a very long list.
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Kensi: Is there anyone you want me to contact? Friends, family... girlfriend?
  • Deeks: I'm not dying, am I?
  • Kensi: Not yet.
  • Deeks: Okay.
  • Kensi: Next of kin?
  • Deeks: Good question.
  • Deeks: It won't happen again.
  • Sam: Then you're gonna need this.
  • Callen: They're moving you to a room... with a view.
  • Deeks: Thank you.
  • Callen: You recognize either of these guys? Gang members. This one's deceased.
  • Deeks: Other than the one that used me for target practice? No.
  • Sam: Any idea who would want you dead?
  • Deeks: We're not doing our job if a few people don't want us dead, right?
  • Kensi: Humble brag.
  • Sam: We'll let him slide.
  • Callen: Considering he's been shot.
  • Deeks: Humble what?
  • Sam: One of Kensi's bad habits.
  • Deeks: Oh, you mean like when she complains about something really positive?
  • Sam: Exactly.
  • Deeks: Like when she says her size-two jeans are too baggy on her?
  • Kensi: That's not what I meant. Okay, did you see the shooter or not?
  • Deeks: Small guy, small gun. About five-seven, wiry, pretty fast.
  • Sam: Fits Santo's description.
  • Deeks: For gang members, that's not a lot of firepower. Looked like a .22. That's gonna get you laughed at in the streets, right?
  • Callen: That driver must have gunned up.
  • Sam: Found a .45 cal with Rhinos on the driver.
  • Callen: Somebody really doesn't like you, Deeks.
  • Deeks: Yeah? Why didn't he get it right the first time?
  • Callen: The place is crawling with LAPD. You should be safe.
  • Deeks: Yeah? Who's gonna protect me from her? (Indicating Kensi)
  • Kensi: Oh, I think he's feeling better.
  • Sam: After you recover, you and I are gonna talk.
  • Deeks: Hey, if you see Nurse Debbie out there, will you, uh, will you ask her when I get my sponge bath?
  • Kensi: Definitely feeling better. Yeah
  • (Kensi is eating Deeks' Jell-O)
  • Deeks: I was going to eat that.
  • Kensi: It's been sitting there for hours.
  • Deeks: I like to let my Jell-O breathe.
  • Kensi: Mmm. Big baby.
  • Deeks: I got shot, all right? It's not like it is in the movies. There's no slow motion... ouch. There's no awesome music being played. It's just pain. Have you ever been shot? You have been shot. Where?
  • Kensi: I've never been shot.
  • Deeks: I don't believe you. Was it an embarrassing body part? (chuckles) It was, wasn't it?
  • Kensi: There's a lot about ourselves that we haven't told each other yet, so let's just respect the pace, okay?
  • Deeks: Okay. Can you give me a hint? Was it above or below the waist?
  • Kensi: Sam faxed over a list of suspects. And there's a lot of names here. There's got to be about a hundred, so let's just...
  • Deeks: I really pissed off that many people?
  • Kensi: I was actually thinking the list was pretty short.
  • Deeks: Maybe you should add your name to it.
  • Kensi: Yeah? You have a pencil?
  • Deeks: The butt. I bet you were shot in the butt.
  • Kensi: How about we start at the beginning?
  • Deeks: Seems like as good a place as any.
  • Kensi: Victor Rush.
  • Deeks: Victor Rush, Victor Rush. Petty theft, repeat offender.
  • Kensi: Ronald Greene.
  • Deeks: Second degree murder, um, surrendered.
  • Kensi: Sylvia Gray.
  • Deeks: Restraining order. Me against her, because it was a... it was a bad breakup.
  • Kensi: We're going to need more Jell-O.
  • Kensi: Uh, 60 more to go. I'd say that's progress in a Bizarro type of way.
  • Deeks: Bizarro?
  • Kensi: It's Superman's evil opposite. It's nothing.
  • Deeks: I know who he is. How do you know who he is?
  • Kensi: My dad's comic book collection.
  • Deeks: I got my own. DC and Marvel. You still got yours?
  • Kensi: Of course.
  • Deeks: Me, too.
  • Kensi: Hmm.
  • Deeks: All right.
  • Kensi: Eduardo Cruz. (Sees him down) Yo. What's up?
  • Deeks: I just got lazy. I didn't change my routine. Made myself an easy target.
  • Kensi: I change my routine every single day. Never drive the same way to work. Always security conscious.
  • Deeks: Impossible target, I get it.
  • Kensi: No. Deeks, what I'm saying is that it's hard. You shouldn't beat yourself up.
  • Deeks: I can't help it. It's one of the things I'm good at. Ooh! (Remembering the shooting) Some cop, huh?
  • (Listening to Callen's phone call with the perp)
  • Deeks: It doesn't sound familiar.
  • Nell: You got something?
  • Kensi: Ah, I can't put my finger on it.
  • Deeks: You recognize the voice?
  • Kensi: Not the voice, the accent.
  • Nell: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's Eastern European, maybe Russian.
  • Deeks: That's awesome, because I've narrowed it down to three. None of which are Eastern European.
  • Kensi: Well, we'll know soon enough. Callen's on his way to meet this guy.
  • Nell: Okay, Ivan Lee and... Michael Thompson.
  • Deeks: My personal testimony put them both away... life sentences. Non-related cases and they're both going to hate me until the day that I die.
  • Kensi: It's possible they could have hired someone.
  • Deeks: Possible.
  • Kensi: But you highly doubt it?
  • Deeks: Yeah.
  • Nell: There's only two names here. You said there were three.
  • Deeks: Third guy I shot when I was 11 years old.
  • Kensi: His name?
  • Deeks: Gordon John Brandel.
  • Deeks: Why didn't he finish me off?
  • Kensi: Panic? Fired wildly?
  • Deeks: No, he aimed.
  • Kensi: And missed.
  • Deeks: Okay, so, then, why is he carrying a .22? It's a girl's gun.
  • Kensi: I'm a girl.
  • Deeks: Well, you're not a real girl. You're like... you're like Wonder Woman. You know, and Wonder Woman wouldn't carry a .22.
  • Kensi: Compliment accepted.
  • Deeks: Yeah. Also, if you're going to kill someone with a .22, you got to shoot them directly in the head.
  • Kensi: Otherwise, it's only going to wound you.
  • Deeks: Unless that's what they wanted.
  • (At the Hospital)
  • Deeks: Wait a minute. If I'm an easy target, that makes you guys impossible targets, right? I mean, I'm new to this, but you guys... you guys live your life with a strict regimen that includes heightened security awareness at all times. You said so yourself.
  • Kensi: I'm-I'm sorry. I'm not following.
  • Deeks: I'm a cop, right? And like it or not, I'm the weakest link here, so what if... what if I'm not the target? What if I'm the bait?
  • Kensi: To lure the rest of us out. (Phones Eric at OPS)
  • Eric: Go, Kensi.
  • Kensi: Eric, Callen is walking into a trap. Deeks was not the target. This was a setup to hit the rest of the team.
  • Eric: Callen, Sam, Kensi says abort mission. It's a trap.
  • Kensi: (To Deeks) You are safe. They are not. (And she runs away)
  • Deeks: Wait a minute. I'm still thinking here.
  • (At the warehouse where they're waiting for the perp)
  • Callen: Doesn't add up. If we're the targets, this is the perfect place for an ambush.
  • Sam: Unless we're not the target.
  • (Back at the hospital)
  • Deeks: If I'm not the target, why does Santos and his buddy come back to the hospital? (Yelling) KENSI!
  • (At the warehouse)
  • Sam and Callen: Kensi!

Back to list ^

Episode 2.18 Harm Way:

  • (After Sam rants about Deeks' personal security blah, blah, blah and thinking he's late)
  • Kensi: Better call him then.
  • (A Phone rings)
  • Sam: That's my bag.
  • (Deeks arrives with coffee in hand and takes his cell phone from Sam)
  • Deeks: That'd be for me. (Answering the phone) Marty Deeks.
  • Kensi: Hey! It's Kensi.
  • Deeks: Hey.
  • Kensi: How did your phone get in Sam's bag?
  • Deeks: I must have, uh, slipped it in there while he was waiting in line for coffee. Medium triple, low fat, hold the foam. (Everyone laughs, except for Sam)
  • Kensi: Welcome back, partner.
  • Deeks: Thanks.
  • Deeks: Freddie John Fanning.
  • Kensi: We're missing something.
  • Deeks: A suspect.
  • Kensi: A murder weapon.
  • Deeks: And witnesses. Don't forget witnesses, we're missing them. Witnesses can be very valuable, you know. Maybe even tell us if Sam's been compromised.
  • Kensi: And evidence.
  • Deeks: And a clue. A clue would be good, too.
  • Kensi: What we know. Fanning is hired to forge a passport.
  • Deeks: Check.
  • Kensi: Fanning completes that passport and delivers it to Mr. Jones at his short term rental apartment.
  • Deeks: Check.
  • Kensi: There's a dispute over money or maybe Jones wants to tie up loose ends. Either way, Fanning is shot.
  • Deeks: Fanning checks out checkless. Check.
  • Kensi: We're missing something.
  • Deeks: Check.
  • Kensi: No, no, no, no. Deeks, we are missing something.
  • Deeks: Okay.
  • Kensi: All right, Jones works for Abdul.
  • Deeks: Go on.
  • Kensi: What if Abdul met with Jones before he left for Yemen to give him Sam's details?
  • Deeks: But Jones' apartment had only been rented out for a week.
  • Kensi: Right. So if Abdul did meet Jones...
  • Deeks: It wasn't at the apartment. It could have been at Jones' house.
  • Kensi: Check.
  • Nell: Abdul flew out to Yemen the day after he broke out of prison.
  • Kensi: He flew out on a fake passport.
  • Deeks: Jones must have given it to him.
  • Kensi: Where did Abdul stay that night?
  • Nell: We were tracking him on Overwatch. Stayed at the West Hollywood Motor lnn on Wilton.
  • Deeks: A clue?
  • Kensi: Maybe even witnesses.
  • Man: It's always quiet midweek.
  • Kensi: How quiet?
  • Man: No new bookings that night.
  • Deeks: None?
  • Man: Not a one.
  • Kensi: Nell said he definitely stayed all night.
  • Deeks: Well, maybe he shared with somebody that was already staying here. Do you mind if I take a look?
  • Kensi: All right, three guests. Married couple from Idaho.
  • Man: Married. She was young enough to be his daughter.
  • Deeks: Well, scratch Idaho.
  • Kensi: Single woman from Texas.
  • Man: Regular. Same time every month.
  • Deeks: For how long?
  • Man: Long as I've owned the place. Going on 27 years.
  • Deeks: And scratching Texas.
  • Kensi: What about this one? It was occupied all week, but there's no name against it.
  • Kensi: Witness or suspect?
  • Deeks: Suspect. (Shots start, they hide behind a car) Make that prime suspect. Go!
  • (They change hiding place)
  • Kensi: Ready? Three, two... one. Go.
  • Deeks: Scratch Felix.
  • Deeks: For a guy that lived here for 18 months, he sure doesn't have much to show for it. He's got no big-screen flat plasma TV.
  • Kensi: Computer's configured for Arabic.
  • Deeks: No beer. No funky week-old clothes in the corner. No pizza boxes. This is very un-American.
  • Kensi: Felix Attino. Columbian.
  • Deeks: That explains why he's un-American, but not why he speaks Arabic.
  • Kensi: This would. Yemeni passport. Look at the name.
  • Deeks: We just found Abdul's brother.

Back to list ^

Episode 2.19 Enemy Within:

  • (Kensi is boxing, Deeks is playing with his phone)
  • Deeks: Ooh!
  • Kensi: (Grunting( Angry Birds?
  • Deeks: Plants versus Zombies. Played for four hours straight last night. Don't know if I'm proud or ashamed of that. Did you get the, uh... (Kensi hits the punching bag and it crashes against Deeks' shoulder while he passes) Ow. Did you get the little Hetty note?
  • Kensi: No. By the way, there's no such thing as a "little Hetty note." There's a "big Hetty note", there's a "holy moly Hetty note"... there's an "oh dear God Hetty note".
  • Deeks: I-I get it.
  • Kensi: How bad is it? Expense account? Hygiene again?
  • Deeks: I haven't opened it.
  • Hetty: Oh, brave man, Mr. Deeks. I'd be quick about it. We have a problem. More specifically, I have a problem with you.
  • Deeks: Me?
  • Hetty: At a routine Agent Readiness audit, you were found to be woefully behind the rest of the team in Professional Development.
  • Deeks: "Professional Development."
  • Hetty: Yes.
  • Kensi: Coursework to further one's skill set in a given profession.
  • Hetty: While we may believe that you're up to the task...
  • (Kensi laughs at this)
  • Hetty: ...statistically speaking, an agent's training level has a high correlation to survival. Who am I to argue with statistics?
  • Deeks: Right. No, no, of course. But, uh, my training comes from the streets.
  • Kensi: Oh, really? The tough streets of the San Fernando Valley? Not exactly Fallujah, Kandahar or Medellín.
  • Deeks: Okay, you don't get to pull the Special Forces tough guy card, 'cause it's not in your wallet. Maybe Sam's, maybe Callen's...
  • Kensi: Maybe Hetty's.
  • Deeks: Maybe... Hetty...
  • Hetty: You will choose from that list of courses, Mr. Deeks. And you, Miss Blye, will be in charge of overseeing its completion. Ops Center. We have a case.
  • Deeks: "CQB, Close Quarter Battle"? "Urban Warfare"?
  • Kensi: I took CQB and Urban. It's excellent.
  • Deeks: This is a terrible idea.
  • (Going up to the ops center)
  • Deeks: I bet you even got your special agent friendship badge.
  • Kensi: You're lucky they let you get this far without your D.O.D. Advanced training.
  • Deeks: Okay, I am an LAPD liaison.
  • Kensi: So we were led to believe.
  • Deeks: "Offensive Driving"? Really? This is Los Angeles... everybody's driving is offensive. Besides, I've already taken that. Isn't there, like, a, like, a "master of disguise" course or, like, a "ninja weapons"? You know, that, that would be cool.
  • Callen: Let's make this quick, Eric. Deeks has got to get back to class.
  • Deeks: Is there no privacy here?
  • Kensi: Nope.
  • Sam: Apparently, Hetty is determined to make you a highly skilled operative.
  • Callen: Good luck with that.
  • Deeks: I'm a highly skilled operative. (Everyone looks at him funny and Kensi laughs) What? I am.
  • Hetty: Of course you are, Mr. Deeks.
  • Kensi: Okay, thanks. Callen and Sam just found evidence that someone might be trying to assassinate Medina.
  • Deeks: The plot thickens.
  • Kensi: You ready to check out Chambers' ex-wife?
  • Deeks: I don't know; I haven't taken my Bungalow Breaching Course or my Tactical Ex-wife lnterrogation Using Household Objects.
  • Kensi: (Chuckling) Oh, no.
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: Are you sulking?
  • Deeks: No, I'm not sulking, 'cause I don't sulk.
  • Kensi: Oh, you sulk. What happen, the other boys hurt your feelings?
  • Deeks: Oh, nice. Now you're mocking me. That's awesome. You know why? 'Cause that's who you are. You're a mocker.
  • Kensi: You're a sulker.
  • Deeks: Mocker.
  • Kensi: Sulker.
  • Deeks: (After knocking on the door and pausing) Mocker.
  • Emily: Yes?
  • Deeks: Emily Chambers? Hi, I'm Detective Marty Deeks. This is Special Agent Kensi Blye, NCIS. We wanted to ask some questions about your ex-husband.
  • (Deeks and Kensi are talking to Emily Chambers when her 12-year-old daughter, Allie, enters)
  • Deeks: (to Allie) Saw a pretty cool trampoline out back there. You mind if I jump on it?' (Allie looks at him funny) What? Cops can't jump on trampolines? That's right, I'm a cop. Chase bad guys, I eat donuts.
  • Emily: It's okay, Als. Why don't you show the detective the backyard.
  • Deeks: Ah! I saw that... you rolled your eyes. I'll race you. One, two, three, go.
  • Kensi: So can you tell me what is going on?
  • Emily: Who is Antonio Medina?
  • Kensi: Your ex-husband thinks that he might be a national security threat. And he just might be caught up in something dangerous.
  • Emily: Daniel? No, that is not possible. Daniel's way too by-the-book. And he wouldn't do anything that would take him away from Allie.
  • (We see Deeks and Aliie jumping on the trampoline from the window and Allie is laughing)
  • Emily: Haven't seen that in awhile. She's actually laughing.
  • Kensi: (Looking outside at Deeks) Yeah, he has that effect on people.
  • Kensi: (Opening the window) Deeks.
  • Deeks: Yeah. I'm coming.
  • Kensi: Hey.
  • Deeks: (To Aliie) We'll see you later.
  • Allie: Bye.
  • Kensi: Come on! Let's go!
  • Deeks: That was fun. (To Emily) Awesome kid, by the way.
  • Emily: Thank you.
  • (Outside the house)
  • Kensi: There. Blue truck.
  • Deeks: What is he doing? Hold up.
  • (Truck comes towards them, they jump aside)
  • Deeks: What'd I say about L.A. drivers.
  • (Deeks speaks Spanish with some workers but they don't understand him)
  • Deeks: Nothing. (To Kensi) They say they know nothing. Or to be more exact... "No habla ingles." And then I started speaking Spanish and they said "No habla espanol." Nada. I think they think I'm ICE.
  • Kensi: I think they just don't like you.
  • Deeks: I'm telling you. All right, go get 'em, tiger.
  • Kensi: Buenos.
  • Man: Buenos, senorita.
  • (Kensi speaks Spanish with them)
  • Kensi: Okay. Gracias.
  • (Kensi calls Eric)
  • Eric: Kens.
  • Kensi: Eric, I got a positive I.D. On the truck. Juan Muñoz was picked up at the car wash.
  • Eric: Copy that.
  • Deeks: Nice, nice. I'm impressed.
  • Kensi: Yay.
  • Deeks: Don't do that. Don't gloat.
  • Kensi: Did you choose a class yet?
  • Deeks: Or nag. And I'm happy to share... I'm thinking FATS.
  • Kensi: Firearms Training Simulator. Nice. Lots of interesting theories and techniques for you to get your head around. I can test you.
  • Deeks: No, no. I picked it 'cause I know it. It's in here. (indicates his head) You want to know why? Because working a case is my classroom.
  • Kensi: That is a very small classroom.
  • Kensi: Top three things to think of in a "good shoot/bad shoot" operational scenario.
  • Deeks: What?
  • Kensi: Come on, your professional development.
  • Deeks: Oh. The bad guys.
  • Kensi: Hostages, furtive movement and anomalies, something like a guy wearing a ski parka during the summer.
  • Deeks: Yeah, I know what an "anomaly" is.
  • Deeks: They teach you guys that in Lethal lnjection 101?
  • Kensi: Who's mocking now?
  • (Deeks and Kensi are all well dressed)
  • Deeks: Can I mention that, uh, dress is off the charts?
  • Kensi: Deeks, don't.
  • Deeks: What? I'm just role-playing the gushing date.
  • Kensi: Yeah? Oh. Come here. You have a little...
  • Deeks: I do?
  • Kensi: No. I'm just role-playing. (Pause) Honey.
  • Deeks: No wonder she set off my spidey-senses.
  • Kensi: Anything in a skirt sets off your spidey-senses.
  • Deeks: You're right. She's right.

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Episode 2.20 The Job:

  • (Kensi arrives with three shopping bags)
  • Kensi: Ooh. Good morning.
  • Callen: Now, that is some serious retail therapy.
  • Sam: Did you break up with that guy?
  • Deeks: She broke up with the guy.
  • Kensi: You don't know.
  • Deeks: Stopped eating tofu scrambles and doing extra crunches at the gym. You know what that means? "So long, brother."
  • (Deeks' survival kit:
  • Deeks: Uh, SPF 70 sunblock, ChapStick and a sea-foam green Slanket? Really? What're-what're... What are you trying to say here?
  • Kensi: Come on. Everyone knows you're a little... delicate.
  • Deeks: Not delicate. I'm sensitive. And my lips get chapped because we live in a desert.
  • Kensi: Yeah, right.
  • Deeks: Really, Kensi? Eric gets a cool air horn and I get cuticle clippers?
  • Kensi: You whine like a baby every time you get a hangnail.
  • Deeks: Okay. In all fairness, that happened once, and it really hurt.
  • (King, the bad guy, shoots Asher, his accomplice, in front of Kensi. Deeks arrives some time later)
  • Deeks: You okay?
  • Kensi: I... didn't even have time to react.
  • Deeks: That's because he came out of nowhere.
  • Kensi: No, but I should've seen it coming. My instincts are all off. I completely misjudged King.
  • Deeks: Why don't you, uh... Why don't you hang out in the car? I'll take care of...
  • Kensi: No, I'm fine.
  • Deeks: You only say you're "fine" when you're "not fine."
  • Kensi: Fine. As in "I'll wait out front for you."
  • Deeks: I'm going to be with you every step of the way. Even if you don't see me, I'll be there.
  • Kensi: He caught me off guard once. It's not going to happen again.
  • Deeks: I know.
  • Kensi: Let's go.
  • Deeks: Okay.
  • (At the office after arresting King)
  • Deeks: You okay, Kens?
  • Kensi: I'm fine. Good. I'm... good. When I can feel my jaw, I'll be really good.
  • (Kensi's house, knocks on the window. It's Deeks)
  • Kensi: What are you...?
  • Deeks: I was gonna call, but I was already out front, so it seemed kind of, uh, redundant.
  • Kensi: Come in.
  • Deeks: (Looking around the house which is a mess) Wow. So you just finished taping an episode of Hoarders?
  • Kensi: Ah-ah-ah. Is there a reason why you're here?
  • Deeks: I got dinner. Got me a burger, and I got you a smoothie.
  • Kensi: Oh, I'll take a beer.
  • Deeks: Okay. Really? Top Model? Why does every girl love this show?
  • Kensi: Because it is awesome.
  • Deeks: How is that a TV show?
  • Kensi: They're about to start the judging.
  • Deeks: Mmm. Look at this, huh? Can't get any better than this. Turkey burger, Top Model. Can you open my beer for me, please? (Cheers) Thank you.

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Episode 2.21 Rocket Man:

  • Deeks: Uh, one or two N's in "inoculate"?
  • Callen: One.
  • Deeks: The man says "one." (Types on the laptop) How do you spell light-en-ing?
  • Callen: What report are you filing?
  • Kensi: He's not. He's doing a crossword.
  • Deeks: Okay, it's a word search, thank you, and it helps to keep my intellect razor-sharp.
  • Kensi: Yeah, well, it's pronounced "lightning." There's no "e," Razor.
  • Deeks: Light-en-ing
  • Kensi: Lightning.
  • Deeks: I guess that's a silent "e."
  • Deeks: Poop-scooping aside, though, going undercover's the best part of our job. I mean, you get to be somebody you're not.
  • Sam: For you, that's an improvement.
  • Kensi: And also you like to lie.
  • Deeks: What? No! I thought we were picking on Sam. And secondly, it's not lying, it's truth reimagined for the higher good.
  • Deeks: So this guy fancies himself as an artist. Not exactly Rodin, is he?
  • Kensi: Coming from a guy who decorates his living room with a "portrait of dogs playing poker"?
  • Deeks: That’s intentional. I’m fully aware of the kitsch factor. It’s a statement of irony.
  • Kensi: Is that what you tell the girls when you take them back to your place?
  • Deeks: Just the art history majors.
  • Deeks: Okay, Eric, it's showtime, buddy.
  • Kensi: He looks nervous.
  • Deeks: You would be, too, if you almost got frelted.
  • Kensi: He reminds me of every guy who looked me in the face, and said, "I'll call you."
  • Deeks: Ladies see through that?
  • Callen: We're missing something.
  • Deeks: (Opening an empty fortune cookie) In my case, a fortune. But how is that possible?
  • Kensi: Because you have no future? Just sayin'.
  • (At the Saugus Speedway Flea Market Deeks sees a "portrait of dogs playing poker")
  • Deeks: Ten bucks? Really?
  • Kensi: What did you pay for yours?
  • Deeks: Let's go this way. (Kensi laughs)

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Episode 2.22 Plan B:

  • (In Kensi's car dropping Deeks' friend Ray at the airport
  • Deeks: You sure you're going to be able to handle all those women down in Miami?
  • Ray: The women, yes. But I feel like I'm going to get whacked by an alligator; like they're just waiting for my pasty ass.
  • (Deeks laugh)
  • Kensi: Okay, you guys do know that alligators don't actually prey on human beings; crocodiles do. Both live in the Miami vicinity, but mainly in swamps.
  • Ray: She just go all Wikipedia on me?
  • Deeks: Yeah, she just went all Wikipedia on you, dude.
  • Ray: (Getting out of the car and looking at Kensi) She looks just like, you know...
  • Deeks: I know, it's scary, right?
  • Kensi: Wait... who do I look like?
  • Deeks: Nothing. It's not important.
  • Ray: Marty and I grew up in the same neighborhood, and there, there was this girl...
  • Deeks: Ray and I lost touch. Five years ago, I go undercover to infiltrate an arms ring, and guess who I find, flopping around in the middle of it?
  • Ray: I thought I was joining a barbershop quartet.
  • Deeks: So I gave him a choice. I said, "You can go to jail, or you can come work for me as an informant."
  • Ray: Yeah, some choice!
  • Deeks: Well, most guys don't get to choose. Anything you want me to tell Nicole?
  • Ray: Nope.
  • Kensi: She's your wife.
  • Ray: Ex-wife. Johnny Bravo's a solo act now.
  • Deeks: Yeah, about that... Bravo was taken, so we got you dialed in with one Charlie Mitchell.
  • Ray: What?
  • Deeks: Get to know it.
  • Ray: Well, I guess this is it. Don't want to keep the alligators waiting.
  • Kensi: Ray...
  • Deeks: All right. Take care, brother.
  • Ray: You, too. (To Kensi) Bye, Wikipedia. Take care of him.
  • Kensi: I will.
  • Ray: He's a sucker for brunettes.
  • Deeks: What'd he say? I don't really care.
  • Ray: Never shoot back.
  • Deeks: Always shoot first.
  • Kensi: (After Ray's gone) He seems cool.
  • Deeks: One of the coolest. Yeah, for a... for a bad guy.
  • Kensi: Uh-huh.
  • Kensi: So, what's Max Gentry like?
  • Deeks: He's just a guy.
  • Kensi: Okay. Does he have an accent? Is he shy, life of the party, a wine guy? A beer guy? You know what I mean? How'd you come up with him?
  • Deeks: It's just an alias I threw together. It's no big deal.
  • Kensi: Okay. Well, I should go in first. I'll wait at the bar.
  • Deeks: No, I think it's better if I go in alone.
  • Deeks: Okay, cuff me.
  • Kensi: What?
  • Kensi: You seem pretty close to this.
  • Deeks: I've been here before, I'm fine.
  • Kensi: (Speaking about Nicole) You two have chemistry.
  • Deeks: It's a game. How many times have you put on high heels and a dress to get a suspect to talk?
  • Kensi: Are you going to tell her the truth?
  • Deeks: I don't think she wants to hear it.
  • Kensi: But doesn't she deserve it?
  • Deeks: All right, I'll go talk to her.
  • Kensi: And I'll stay here like last time, right?
  • Deeks: I think if Max shows up with a new girlfriend, people are gonna start asking questions.
  • Kensi: But you didn't have to go undercover back at the pool hall. I saw Ray from the car. We could have just staked the place out.
  • Deeks: So what are you saying? You think I like being Max?
  • Kensi: Some days it's easier being someone else.
  • Deeks: And some days, it's too easy.
  • Kensi: Deeks...
  • Kensi: Planning on calling Ray anytime soon?
  • Deeks: No. No, I'm not. Why do you ask?
  • Kensi: Just, when you do, tell him Wikipedia says hi.
  • Deeks: I'll do that.
  • Kensi: Oh, and, um, I'm glad our thing is working out.
  • Deeks: No thing. There is no thing!

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Episode 2.23 Imposters:

  • (At the crime scene)
  • Kensi: Here we go. Scorch marks.
  • Deeks: No, no. I'm good, thanks.
  • Kensi: There. Dark stains. Looks like oil, but I bet you forensics is gonna prove that it's a blood trail.
  • Deeks: Well, good work, Lassie. Now all you got to do is find Timmy.
  • Kensi: Yeah, feel free to dazzle me with your detective skills at any time.
  • Deeks: You couldn't handle my skills.
  • Kensi: Oh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
  • Deeks: That's classy.
  • Kensi: Okay, so, the address Eric gave us for Brent Dundas is in Culver City, so we know he didn't walk here.
  • Deeks: And he didn't have any keys, he was missing a wallet. Killers could have taken both to conceal his identity.
  • Kensi: Which is probably why they set him on fire with phosphorus. They knew his body would be unidentifiable. But he does what anybody on fire would do, which is, try to get to some water.
  • Deeks: Ooh. Check it out. Navy SEALs bumper sticker.
  • Kensi: SEALs don't usually advertise.
  • Eric: Kensi?
  • Kensi: Hey, Eric. I need you to run a plate. It's four Papa Charlie India four eight five. Red Camry.
  • Eric: Got it. Yeah, that vehicle is registered to Brent Dundas...
  • Kensi: What?! When?
  • Deeks: How you say? Bingo.
  • Kensi: Okay. Thanks for the update. Keep us informed.
  • Eric: Will do.
  • Kensi: Car is registered to Brent Dundas, but get this. He's not really a Navy SEAL.
  • Deeks: You sure about that?
  • (After Nell says to Deeks that Hetty wants to talk to him alone)
  • Kensi: Ooh. Someone's in trouble.
  • Deeks: Yeah, right.
  • Sam: Just remember the distress word.
  • Callen: Yeah, if that doesn't work, just fake a seizure.
  • Deeks: I'm not in trouble. I'm not in trouble. (Looking at Kensi who is sitted at her desk) Hey. Am I in trouble? (Kensi smircks)
  • (After Deeks talks with Hetty about his position with NCIS)
  • Kensi: Are you on double secret probation?
  • Deeks: No.
  • Kensi: Is it because of the Segway?
  • Deeks: No. It was nothing. Just some paperwork that has to do with LAPD and my liaison position here.
  • (Kensi and Deeks are talking with the waitress, Star)
  • Star: So, are you two, like, together together?
  • Deeks: Is it that obvious?
  • Kensi: No! We're just partners.
  • Deeks: With privileges.
  • Kensi: Oh, definitely not.
  • Deeks: Kind of.
  • Kensi: No.
  • Deeks: What about you? Are you in a relationship?
  • Star: Not really.
  • Deeks: Now that's a crime. Um, you should take this just in case you remember anything else. (He gives her his visiting card)
  • Kensi: Okay. Thank you very much, Star. (She goes away)
  • Deeks: Even if you just, you know, need to talk or anything. (Kensi comes back and takes back Deeks' visiting card)
  • Kensi: I'm gonna take this. It's for your own security. And we're gonna go. (She grabs Deeks and drags him away)
  • Deeks: What are you doing? (Kensi breaks his visiting card in pieces and hands it to him) I was just being a good cop. (Looking at the broken card) Cop blocker!
  • (After Hetty gives the makeup brush to Kensi)
  • Deeks: I thought you were getting the gear.
  • Kensi: I am.
  • Deeks: Are you? 'Cause that looks a lot like a makeup brush. You putting on some radiation-proof foundation? Got a little lead-lined mascara in there?
  • Kensi: No. It's just something Hetty's getting rid of.
  • Deeks: Really?
  • Kensi: Yeah, but you have to be careful, be...
  • (Deeks touches the makeup brush and the dagger comes out, right in his face)
  • Deeks: Mm-hmm. You two scare me.
  • Kensi: Good.
  • Deeks: Well, it's gonna be the least of his worries now. California Penal Code 12308: attempted murder with an explosive device. It's a life sentence.
  • Kensi: Thank you, Counselor.

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Episode 2.24 Familia:

  • (Seeing the bullet holes in Hetty's car)
  • Kensi: Oh.
  • Deeks: Oh, that is bad.
  • Kensi: That is very bad.
  • Deeks: Did, uh, did you do that?
  • Callen: They did.
  • Kensi: You took cover behind Hetty's Jag?
  • Deeks: What are you, insane?
  • Callen: They were shooting. It was close.
  • Deeks: And you think Hetty's gonna be fine with that?
  • Sam: What you want us to do, get shot?
  • Kensi: Well, personally, I would've risked it.
  • Deeks: I know. Big Bad Mama Bear and her Jag-U-R. Just sayin'.
  • (Inside Hetty's house)
  • Deeks: The inner sanctum.
  • Kensi: God, it feels weird, huh?
  • Deeks: Feels wrong. It's kind of freaking me out, actually.
  • Kensi: Yikes.
  • Deeks: Listen, if we have to go through her stuff, I am not doing the bedroom.
  • Deeks: Found something. Hetty-interruptus.
  • Kensi: Really wish you hadn't said that.
  • Deeks: Me, too.
  • Deeks: Ever seen anything like it?
  • Kensi: Nope.
  • Deeks: Guy's leaking like a sieve.
  • Kensi: Sweating out a confession.

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